Let's Catch Up From the Holidays :)

Hi my peeps,

How has everyone been?  I have missed you guys and now that the Thanksgiving/Christmas thing is winding down we can catch up for a bit.  I was hoping that we could catch up at a more convenient time, but the weather is doing wonkie things and so I hurt and cannot sleep, so might as well take this time to catch up with some of my fav peeps here......yes I am meaning you guys.....LOL.  UUUUGH one sec gotta grab my glasses......so ya'll grab some early OMG EARLY.....like 2am early mornin coffee and I will be right back.....LOL

Ok my peeps I am back.  There is so much I have to tell you guys and like always bear with me as I bounce from one subject to the next and then back again......LOL.  Not really sure where to begin actually.  I guess I will start with some exciting news that I am seriously considering.  I may be going back to school.  LOL yes me back to school.  I'm not really sure what area that I want to go into....well wait......i know a bit what I want to do, but not sure where I can be helpful in the area that I love.  I want to go into a field where I can sincerely help people.  But with my disabilities I'm not sure how I can help.  Even with my cochlear implants hearing is NOT my strong point.  But this next year I am due for an upgrade in my processors and they have come a LONG way in some of the programs they can put on them.  I have heard from some of my friends that this new programming puts their hearing at near normal range.....which is something that FASCINATES me greatly.  So before I decide on a major I will be getting that taken care of so that will no longer be as much of a stumbling block for me.  My other concern is of course my mobility issues.  But I think that will be easier to work around for some reason.  I just gotta find an area that I am passionate about and learn what field I would be the most help in.  I know that I OMG LOVE typing and I can comfortably type 70-90wpm for great lengths of time.  For almost 4 years I worked as a court researcher/project manager and while I loved the actual work, the company I was working for left alot to be desired.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVED the people that I oversaw, the other middle managers like myself, and I thoroughly enjoyed the research part of my work.  I loved helping "my peeps" get the advise and tools that they needed to be good at what they did, whether it was just helping them get the right forms for the project they were working on, gently reminding them of coming deadlines, or just a friendly ear to listen to their frustrations and allowing them to vent.  And please don't take this as bragging cause I am so totally not that kinda person, but I took great pride in my work as I was really good at my job.  I cannot go into great detail about the company I worked for, as their contractor agreement includes a confidentiality clause, but lets just suffice it to say that WAY upper management was not as upstanding as they make themselves out to be and I just couldn't work like that anymore.  I need to be in a field where I can truly help people, not just make money for the company I work for.  I have always had a soft spot for emergency services (Law Enforcement, EMT's...etc).  But I know that I cannot help in the way most of those in that line of work can.  But maybe I can help with the "support" work for those guys.  To most peeps I guess that would see like a silly idea.....I mean a paper pusher in those fields sometimes are regarded as the lowest on the totem pole.  But ya know someone hasta do the paperwork right??   And to most of those peeps paperwork is one of the DREADED parts of the job.  Paperwork doesn't bother me in the least.  I love to have my nose buried in a computer.  I can multi-task with the best of them (in my old job I oversaw at least 3-7 projects at one time and kept everything straight) and surely my background with research can help sometimes in those areas.  With all that said though.....I'm still not sure what my major should be.  But this summer I plan to go see someone at the vocational rehab center (they help people with disabilities to go back to school, find employment, help with any assistive needs that they might have like captioning phones, CART technology in classrooms or work environments, etc).  So hopefully they will be able to help me to figure out what field I should go into and maybe help me with any grants I can apply for to go back to school.  I'm excited but at the same time scared beyond belief.....LOL.  I'm 36 years old and just NOW looking into going back to school.......OYE.  

On a different note, the holiday's are almost over.  Christmas was pretty good here.  My side of the family had their Christmas on the Saturday before and Jay's side the Sunday before.  Christmas Eve we went to my Uncle Mike's for the traditional get together.  OMG that is one of the highlights of the year for both me and my peeps.  This is the musical side of my family.  We always get together to visit with santa, nibble on some great food, and play music and sing.  When I was a kid we did this every year and is one of my favorite childhood memories.  And I am so grateful that we all still do this so that my babies can have the same memories that I had.  OMG it REALLY is magical.  My oldest (Josie) really loves music.  These last couple of years she has even been brave enough to sing by herself in front of everyone.  This year she wanted to do her "night night" song from when she was younger.  I use to sing Godspeed to her every night when she was a baby and toddler.....and it is still one of most favorite songs.  OMG now I don't like to brag, but this time I will allow myself this one guilty pleasure.  My chickie can sing  **BIG SMILES**   Before I lost my hearing music was my main source I used to express myself.  I loved to sing, play guitar, play harmonica, and just listen to music in general.  It really didn't matter what the genre was either.  I loved everything from classical to heavy metal and EVERYTHING in between.  Now don't get me wrong, I still really LOVE music.....but the way my hearing is right now with my cochlears it is hard for me to understand any kind of music that I have not heard when I was a hearing person.  Hopefully when I get my processors updated I will be able to enjoy newer music.  Back then I had what is known as "perfect pitch"......meaning that I could tune a guitar by just listening, and I could listen to a song once or twice and then be able to just pick up my guitar and play it right back.  It is something that I took for granted and pray that as cochlear implant technology advances I will someday be able to get back and enjoy again.   UUUUUGH but I digress.  Back to our topic......my little chickie can SING.  OMG she makes me and her daddy so proud when she resists her shyness and lets the world see her musical talent.  Most of the time when she is in a group of people she will NOT sing and will shy away from the "spotlight" (something that she comes by honestly.....but I am trying to get her outta her shell more than I allow myself to be).  But when we are at Uncle Mike's........**smiling** she is so comfortable......she didn't even give it a second thought when she was asked to sing.  When it comes to singing up there she always looks for cousin Dani (who is an extremely talented artist in her own right.  She has opened for and gone on tour with Mr. Willie Nelson.......and if you couldn't tell yes I am VERY proud of her).  She knows that Dani will take her and practice and will play the guitar for her while she sings.....and Josie REALLY looks up to her.  Even though she doesn't live around here.....she really has grown attached to her (Dani).  And it means the world to Josie to know that when it comes time to let her singing light shine that she can go to her and feel so completely at ease knowing Dani will help her.  LOL.....I always take Josie aside and ask right before she sings for Christmas Eve......"Joe are you sure you are alright?"  and she will always tell me....."yes mama....Dani has got my back and won't let me fall.....I am good".   UUUUGH tell me when did my baby girl start to grow up??

Christmas day was also OMG AWESOME, although most peeps will prob say it sounds boring......LOL.  Around the holidays we get REALLY busy....running here, tither, and YON....to the point where we are not home much.  Since all the "family" get togethers were done we actually got to stay home on Christmas day.  We opened presents.....then Jay made cinnamon rolls.....and we stayed in our PJ's all day long....watched the new movies santa brought (the croods and despicable me 2) and everyone piled up on the couch together...and we stayed that way ALL.....DAY....LOOOOOOONG.  OMG it was TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!

New Years is coming here this next week and I am SO very excited.  We have a tradition where my family and my bestest friend's family stay the night with each other and we lounge around and watch movies, talk, eat, and just enjoy each others company.  Me and her have been best friends since the 7th grade....and back then when you saw one of us.....you just knew that the other one was not very far away.  We know each other inside and out.  My kids call her and her hubby aunt and uncle and her kids the same for me and Jay.  Now that we are older and have families of our own we find it sometimes hard to get together as often as we would like......but even though we might not physically see each other as often as we want....we are always close and talk quite often.  She is so very AWESOME.  She knows when I am having a bad day or when something is buggin me....even when I try to hide it.....she can always tell.....and I can tell the same about her.  She is one of the very few people that knows when I need a shoulder.......or a listening ear.....or a kick in the booty.  If you cannot tell by now.....yes she is AWESOME in every sense of the word.

Oops....one sec Bubba just came in here....let me get him back to bed here....BRB.  Sorry about that....I am back here.  Poor guy had a "weird dream" as he put it and just needed to see mama a minute.  I tell ya.....this little guy make me so proud.  Just like his sis, but in different ways.  He has quite the soft heart.  He puts up the tough guy exterior....even for his young age of 7........but in reality he is a big softy and has a heart of gold.  And he is VERY protective....especially of his animals and his "girls".  He is not one to fight.....but if you start messing with his animals.....or any of the girls in his class.....or his mama.......or his sis.........well lets just say you better watch out......LOL. He is the picture of the "All American Boy".  There is this one little girl in school.....she has braces on her legs and walks with her canes or uses her wheelchair.  Of course Toby can kinda relate to her better than most because of me.  LOL.....a teacher overheard him one time telling her  "hey....I know where you are coming from and I know that you can do everything I can do just in a different way.....but if you ever have any problems you come to me and we will take care of it"   OMG tell me how you cannot love a boy like that.  While I really don't relish the idea of him growing up.... I must say that I am excited to see this munchkin grow and become the awesome young man that I know is growing inside him. I know that his soft heart will set him up for some heartaches......that same soft heart will allow him to enjoy some of the greatest moments of his life.  He is the most AWESOME little guy a mama could ever ask for....and for that I am sincerely grateful.  LOL onery as the day is long......but such a sweet heart and spirit. And he is a thinker too.  Always wants to see the best in people....even though he knows that not all people show their good side.  Yeah....I got extremely lucky in the mama side of things.  Way luckier than I ever deserve.   OH and he tells mama EVERYTHING.  I mean EVERYTHING.  He's my little dude :)

Well.....it is about 4am now and while I still hurt and prob wont sleep.....I know that I at least hafta try if I want to even think about being productive tomorrow.  I promise that I wont let too much time pass before I come back to gab with you guys again.  Thank you guys so VERY much for listening and just keeping me company.  You all mean a lot to me......and i thank you for just being there.  **smoochies**

Trying to be brave enough to tell it how it is....bear with me my peeps.

Hi Guys,

Well I gotta admit the title is not very inviting for this post......LOL.  Yeah I am had a rough day.  A lot of times when it comes to getting my feelings out I have a hard time writing or talking about the pain part of my Lupus.  Some of that is because I REALLY hate making people uncomfortable.  And some people wont understand this part, but being in a wheelchair and being deaf REALLY makes some people uncomfortable, let alone talking about the pain that comes with some of this, so I don't talk about it much if at all.  Now some will ask...."Bobbi...if you don't want pity then why in the devil are you writing about this in your blog". Good question my friend.  Because I know in my heart that there are others out there JUST like me.  Who are in pain all day everyday.  Who hide the pain and frustration away from everyone else because it is easier for the people around them.  Because they think that if they show weakness that those around them will treat them like the "poor little person with disabilities".  I will guarantee you 99% of people with disabilities (myself included) DESPISE this label with a PASSION.  So we don't talk or let on about this part of our lives.  But it is there.  There are days where we just are not as strong as we usually are.  So the reason I am putting this out there is because I think we all have moments of weakness......and it is important for others that go through the same thing or worse than I have it to know that HEY you are NOT alone.  You are NOT in this alone. There is someone else out there that KNOWS what it is like.  And it is not shameful in any way to let it out and cry.  So.....bear with me please and know that I am just venting because I am hurting, I am frustrated, and it is EXTREMELY hard for me to put myself all out there like this.  BUT make no mistake about it, while I may be in a teary, mopey, fed-up moment right now......this is NOT an indicator of my strength or weakness as a person.  And anyone brave enough to say something like that to me had better have ate their Wheaties this mornin cause I will beat the livin crap outta you and then go have my coffee and think nothin of it.  (told you I am in a weird place right now).    Soooooo......here goes.

Today has been really hard **teary**.  I am sick and tired of hurting all the time.  I crave a good nights sleep without pain.  I am fed up with the fear that when I have a weak day that everyone is thinking "well besides the wheelchair and cochlear implants you LOOK fine.....so what is wrong with you....are you just a whiny butt?"  I OMG try to be strong most of the time.....in a lot of areas I try to be the strong one and usually I can pull it off.  My knees, my elbows, my ankles, my wrists, the little joints in my fingers, the flippin joints in my toes.....something(s) is always hurting.  Medicine helps take the "edge" off, but it NEVER goes away completely.  NEVER.  I want to be able to let my kids jump up on the couch with me, without having to ever so GINGERLY position them where it doesn't hurt as bad.  I'm not asking for a lifetime.....one day.....ONE FLIPPIN DAY.  To take the dog out to go pee and not be in tears for the next 2 hours.  I'm not asking for a million dollars.....heck I'm not even asking for the ability to walk correctly or to be able to hear without my cochlear implants......ONE DAY without pain.  Not lesser pain....NO PAIN.  To be able to look at people in the eye and know in my heart that I am not trying to hide the fact that I hurt.  Is that really too much for a gal to ask.  SERIOUSLY.  ONE DAY with no pain medicine......O N E D A Y. 24 hours.  Just one day.  To not to have to put on my strong face.....for ONE DAY.   This sounds stupid... but for one day to feel like I am not putting on an act.....To not have to "act" normal......but to ACTUALLY BE normal. One day.  24 hour period of time.  I mean good GRIEF for the love of PEARL.  I'm tired of the hurtin.

I'm tired of having the feeling that I have to prove myself everyday to everyone.  I'm tired of people assuming that I cannot do things because of my limitations.  I am fed up with the notion that my kids must have it rough because they help around the house.  OMG REALLY COME ON PEOPLE.  Don't your kids have chores? How the devil is that any different??  But Bobbi they also "translate" for you too......how is that fair to them.  REALLY.....you REALLY wanna come at me with THAT.  Yes, my kids WILL translate in public for me IF I cannot understand someone.  But Bobbi....when they translate...sometimes they don't use sign....they just repeat what I said.....isn't that stupid?   WELL DUH DINGBAT........we use sign AND we ALL lipread.  I have been lipreading my children since they were able to talk.  YOU on the other hand are someone I don't lipread everyday.  YOU may have a mustache (which sometimes makes things interesting). You may have an accent (and yes that sometimes comes into play when you are lipreading).   My kids understand the fact that you cannot MUMBLE....turn away mid-sentence, nor can you EXAGGERATE YOUR WORDS (by the way, deaf people CAN tell when you are YELLING.....your face changes in ways that you are NOT aware of).  They know that some word read the EXACT SAME and if I cannot read the rest of what you are saying then it doesn't come across right (for example.....garbage and cabbage lipread the EXACT same)....the ONLY way to know the difference is to be able to understand the rest of the sentence and take that into context.  WOW I get to teach my kids lessons in patience and tolerance because I ALLOW them to translate for me.  Are you teaching yours the same?  Is it fair for me to make assumptions about that based on the limited amount of time I spend with you?  OH BOBBI THAT IS NOT FAIR to turn this back on me......deal with it.  But Bobbi.....your kids can lipread and can do it from a distance....they caught an adult saying something that wasn't ment for them....that is RUDE.  Well bless your little pea pickin soul.  I bet you have NEVER overHEARD something that was not ment for you.  This is NO DIFFERENT.  It is NOT something they are setting out to do.  You see while most mama's tell their kids to look them in the eye when they speak, I taught my kids from an EARLY age to look at my LIPS.  Lupus is hereditary.  If God forbid one of my babies lose their hearing they will have one step up to help them through.....so go suck on an egg.  And you WILL NOT get them in trouble for lipreading or signing while they are speaking.  Now one exemption where I will get onto them is IF they eavesdrop on purpose, just like you would get onto your kid if they were to overhear something when they are eavesdropping.  This may not be the "norm" for your family......but I don't judge your family for your little quirks and I demand that same respect.  I am tired of having to explain to my kids that there are IDIOTS out there that judge anything that they themselves don't understand.  But bet your bottom dollar MY kids will NOT be one of those ignorant people.  I raise my kids to understand that just because something or someone is different that doesn't necessarily mean that it or the person is bad......sometimes it is just different.  I am tired of having to explain to my kids that some ADULTS are IGNORANT and have never learned the meaning of TOLERANCE nor have they learned to embrace the differences in the world an see BEAUTY instead of lashing out in hate because they do not understand and in some cases do not WANT to understand.

I am tired of everyone in society thinking I am rude when I as nicely as I can point out.....ummmm hey you parked in front of the ramp, and I cannot get into where I need to go.  Or when some IDIOT parks in the "loading" part of a handicapped parking spot (the yellow or blue lines that are to the sides of handicapped parking spaces).  OMG here a few weeks ago an older lady did that to me.  She did NOT have a handicapped placard nor did she have a handicapped license plate.  We were at a grocery store and they also have a restaurant.  It was lunch hour and I had a rough morning of errands cause everybody and their brother was in town that day.  And there were quite a lot of people around when this happened.  I rolled down my window and said "I'm sorry ma'am but you are parked in a handicapped loading zone and I cannot get out of my vehicle correctly."  She YELLED in front of God and everyone "you are young and don't need to be parking there anyway.......you need to respect your elders and I am going to get lunch."  As I said the place was PACKED and all the other handicapped spots were taken.  PFFFFFT ok I had had it.  So I proceeded to unload my chair as best I could.  Well.....I have a minivan....and we have it set up where I can load and unload my chair by myself.  But when I do my chair swings WIDE when i bring it up to the door so I can transfer over.  OMG I honest to goodness didn't MEAN to do this.  But when it swung wide it scratched the whole side of her vehicle.  I mean a DEEEEEEEEEEEP scratch.  OMG she came a running in front of everyone....."OMG I WANT YOUR INSURANCE INFORMATION....YOU ARE GONNA PAY FOR THAT".   So I said in the nicest voice I could and so all around could hear....."Sounds great.....lets call the cops, you my dear are parked illegally and I asked nicely.......and I have a sidewalk full of witnesses...wanna use my phone? "  :)  And as I rolled into the store I saw more than one person giggling. Now I am normally NOT a vindictive person.  If you know me you know I go out of my way to avoid confrontation, and I always feel the need to make people around me comfortable.  I will usually bite the bullet even if it inconveniences me or causes me hardship.  But this lady (and I use that term lightly here cause that is a term of respect....and the only respect I owed this woman was the "elder" respect shown to all those older than me).......this lady just pushed it too far.  And who knows who she would have tried this with next.

OMG WOW.   That felt soooooo good to get out.  Please know that if you are a first timer reading my blog that this is NOT the norm for me.  LOL.....usually I am a live and let live type of person.  You say potato...I say french fries.  LOL.    But today I really needed to just let it out.  Now if you are one of those people that are going to make judgements......then all I have to say to you is unless you have rolled in my wheels......you have no right and you are welcome to leave and don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya. But, if by taking a risk and putting myself out there this helps just ONE person to know that that they are not alone in what they are feeling and going through then I have no problem swallowing my pride and putting it all out there on the line.  I would like to thank each and every one of you for listening.  **smoochies**

WOW I Have Missed You Guys...Gettin Back Into The Blog.

Hi Guys,

WOW I have really missed talking to all of you.  The summer totally got away from me, and I have neglected writing my thoughts down.  I sincerely apologize for this and I am actively getting back into the swing of writing in my blog here.  So much has happened that I really don't know where to begin, but like always we will all grab a cuppa coffee and bounce from one subject to the next......LOL.  Not sure what "style" of writing that is called, but it works for us and ya'll get what I'm trying to say so lets just keep doin what works.

Last time we got to chat I was working an at home part-time job.  Since then I have realized that I cannot physically keep up on my duties as a mommy and wife and work in a management position.  We decided as a family (kids included) that it would be best for everyone if I focus on being mom and wife at this point in my life.  Now there are some out there that do not agree with that decision.  In this day and age most people view stay at home parents (mommy's or daddy's) as "lazy".  This is a stereotype that I find very unfair on so many levels.  For a LOOOOOONG time I put stock in the notion that for me to personally feel like I make a contribution to my household and society in general that I had to be "earning" some type of income.  And please don't take this next part as arrogance, but I took great pride in the work that I did (cause that was one of the very few things that I knew I did very well).  I have ALWAYS loved computers.  Research and data entry are both passions of mine.  For a long time I was in a management position and I truly loved helping the people on my team be the best that they could be.  And my job allowed me to work in the shadows (which if you don't already know, I love working in the background.......being in the limelight is NOT my thingie......and I go to great lengths to keep myself in the background if possible).  Everything from communications to the actual research was all handled online.  No one could see my limitations in any way, they didn't see my chair nor did my deafness hinder me in any way in this unique environment.  To my team I was just Ms. Bobbi.....the one to go to if they had a question, needed some help, or just simply needed someone there to listen to them vent.  I must say I truly loved that part of my job.....the being there for my team.  But as things have progressed with my Lupus I began to notice that I just could not keep up with home and work.  And this became a source of major stress in my life for a long time.  In my mind it was like the world was saying to me "most all other women work and take care of their families and homes, if you cannot handle both then you are less of a woman.......don't you holler at the top of your lungs that you are equal to able bodied women out there.....and yet you cannot manage a job and home and family".  But I have come to realize that this notion is an incredibly unfair judgement on my part.  I have limitations........like it or not......they are there.  And by allowing myself to think like this basically makes me a hypocrite.  Think about it.......you have all heard me say that it is unfair to judge another person.  Everyone is different......different strengths and weaknesses....different battles in life.......these are things that no one has a right to judge.  And yet that is just what I was doing to myself (which can sometimes cause more harm than if it was coming from another person).  At this point in my life I cannot juggle work and home.......and you know what....that is ok.  This fact does not in anyway make me lazy or less of a woman.  Now don't get me wrong.....I will still do everything in my power to do most everything that a normal able-bodied person can do.  Might look funny....and may take a bit longer to accomplish things, but if I can do it believe me my peeps I WILL do it.  But I guess what I am trying to say is I am coming to the realization that Yes.....there are somethings that I cannot do.......does this make me lazy, worthless, and unlovable?.......No, this makes me human.  And sometimes I need to take my own advise and cut myself just a bit of slack.

On a lighter note, this next week is THANKSGIVING.......WOOOOOHOOOOOOOO.  LOL yes I love Thanksgiving.  My family is having theirs on Thanksgiving day.  Not sure when we are gonna have Jay's side of the family's Thanksgiving yet (his middle brother works out of town.....like a couple hours away outta town and he hasta work the day after......so we are kinda waitin to see when everyone can get together).  I love it when we can all be out at my in-laws at the same time.  Jay has 2 brothers and they all have wives and kids.   Well......me and my 2 sister-in-law's were pregnant at the same time so Toby and 2 of his cousins were all born within a 6 month time frame (one in June, one in September, and one in October).  It is SO fun to watch them play together.  With everyone having families and work and just normal everyday life it is hard for us all to get together under the same roof all at the same time......LOL.  I wish we could all see everyone more often.  I also hope to come out of my shell a bit more at family functions.  Ok THAT might need some explaining.....LOL.  I am NOT very good in crowds.  For me, anything more than 3 people is a crowd.  And when I get in crowds.......even with my cochlear implants it is next to impossible to follow conversations.  My "go-to" reaction is to find the nearest corner and catch what I can from that "background" position.  I thought that was just a "me" thing, but I have recently learned from some of my friends that are deaf also that this is a very normal thing for deaf people.  You see blindness cuts you off from "things" (meaning while you cannot see "things" you can still interact with people fairly easily cause you can still hear and engage in conversation with people).  Deafness cuts you off from "people" (because while you can see everything in your environment, it is harder to communicate).  And I have this fear that I will come off as rude or impersonal.......so my reaction to that is to find my background position.....to avoid making anyone feel uncomfortable.  I have realized this is very unfair to my family (both on my side and on Jay's side).  And I am determined to correct this and become a more active member in my family (and not just the fly on the wall).  I regret missing all the things that I have in my family.  I want to be an active part of my family, not just someone that is "there".

Yesterday was the first day of shot-gun deer season here in Illinois.  Jay OMG OMG O M G LOOOOOOOOOOOOVES hunting.....LOL.  Me.....ummmmmm......well......I like to shoot guns on the range.....and I like to help Jay process deer meat when he gets a deer.  But the actual "hunting" part.....that's Jay's thingie.  I love watching him get ready to go out hunting.  He gets so excited and just absolutely loves being out in the woods.  Josie doesn't like it so much cause on hunting days daddy is gone for most of the day......LOL yes she is a Daddy's Girl.  But I told her.....you know how each girl has their own "thing".....like me and you and going to the salon and getting our nails done.  Daddy and Bub wait patiently for us to do our thing.  Well that is what hunting is to daddy (and the way Toby talks is gonna be his thing too).  You gotta let the fellers have their "thing".  LOL....she said "well.....when you put it like that I really cannot get mad can I". LOL.  I felt so bad for Jay today though.  It only got up to like 22 degrees here but with wind chill it felt like it was 10 degrees.  Everyone that was up at deer camp was havin problems staying warm.  Even with the "hot hands" warmers they were all FREEZING (and that is sayin somethin when they all are havin problems with that cause these are not just fly by night hunters....these guys are VERY passionate about hunting so for them to be saying something about the cold...........that tells me A LOT).  And with it being this cold the deer just weren't moving at all.  It wouldn't have been so bad on that front if the wind was a bit calmer, but when the wind kicks up like that and it is this cold.....the deer tend to "bed down".

Well......here it is 2:30 in the morning and we are still gabbin.....LOL.  Not sure why I brought that up, but I am hurtin anyway and not gonna sleep, so we might as well keep each other company.  I don't know about you, but this blog really helps me get everything out.  And now that I have a bit more time we should be able to talk more often :)

OH, back on the Thanksgiving topic for a min.  The day after Thanksgiving we are headin a couple hours south to spend the weekend with our friends.  I call our group "the gang".....LOL.  This consists of mutual friends from Chicago, and Carbondale.  We are all getting together next weekend for "the gang's Thanksgiving".  OMG I love all these peeps.  They are smart, funny, and when I am with this group the "group fear" that I have melts away very quickly.  Yes they make me feel THAT at ease (which trust me is a MAJOR thing......cause with any other "group" I automatically go into my shell).  We all haven't been able to get together in quite a loooooong time, so it is gonna be OMG SO FLIPPIN AWESOME to see everyone. These peeps knew me before my mobility problems.  After I started using a wheelchair a lot of peeps that I knew started to shy away from me (because admit it.......it is uncomfortable to see someone that you know go from being able to get around like everyone else to suddenly seeing that person have difficulty in that same area).  But this didn't phase "the gang" at all.  They treated me just as they always have, and that right there means the WORLD to me.  I have dubbed in my mind the Chicago peeps as my "Christmas Angels".  Last year they knew that I was having problems getting around and they showed up on my doorstep outta the blue with a power chair.  OMG I am still not sure if they realize what that ment for me, but after they left I cried for an hour because they gave me the freedom to not only go outside with my family, but also the ability to work around my home.  When they came my house was an absolute wreck because I really could not "hobble" around the house and clean at the same time (cause I would fall OMG A LOT......I still fall, but not as much as when I didn't have my power chair).  Within 24 hours of my angels bringing me my power chair my home was SPOTLESS.  I mean in a way that it had not been since the mobility issues started.  And to top it off.....they still treat me the same as they did before all this happened.  They joke around, talk, tease, laugh, smart-off and talk just like before.  When I start to go into my shell, someone will say something to me and get me right back outta it.  Guys, I may not say it often enough, but know that you guys mean the world to me......each and every one of you.

Weeeeeeeeeeell........it is 3am......Jay is sacked out on the couch and the kids have LONG been in bed.  All my 4-legged peeps are surrounding me here on the couch sleepin and even though I am still hurtin it might be best for me to TRY to lay down and sleep.  Thank you guys SO very much for listening to me.  It means the world to be able to talk freely and just get it all out there.  I luv ya.  **smoooooochies**

Cannot sleep....Let's Catch Up

Hi Everyone,

Well......it's midnight here and everyone else in the house is asleep.  It has been super busy here lately and today has not been a good day pain wise, so while I am up I thought I would stop in and chat with you guys for a bit.  :)   Forgive me if I tend to bounce around a bit, but in all truth ya'll should expect that by now....LOL.

WOW it has been so busy lately.  Kids will be starting their last half week of school on Monday and then **singing** no more pencils, no more books, no more teachers dirty looks.....ROFL.  They are in great need for a break (as I am sure the teachers are too).  We had to go a bit longer this year due to the snow days that we had to use (first time in quite a few years that we actually got enough snow to use snow days).  They are sooooo excited for this summer.  Here a few weeks ago I took them one by one for a "trial run" bike ride.  I took them each out separately with me.  They rode their bikes with me while I wheeled in my chair beside them (to be sure that they would listen to my instructions, obeyed all traffic signs, and pulled over when we came upon a car).  I am proud to say they both passed the test and so we are planning some trips up to the park in our neighborhood (actually one neighborhood over, but it is not that far at all).  While I miss my kids being in the "baby stage", I must say this stage is pretty fun too (Josie is 10 and Toby is 6).

This weekend has been chock full of go go go and we are going to be on the go tomorrow too.  Busy but OMG so fun.  Last night we got the privilege to see one of our dearest friends graduate from college.  My family, her husband and kids, and her mom were all there to cheer her on.  I cannot tell you how proud I am of her.  It was simply AWESOME.  I actually got a surprise while we were there.  My nephew (as I said we are REALLY close to this family and our family knows them as aunt and uncle and visa versa) got a "cat that ate the canary" grin and said "Hey Aunt Bobbi watch the left side of the stage when they start....you will get a surprise".  As you know aside from using a wheelchair I am also deaf.  And there were literally hundreds of people at this graduation ceremony.  Needless to say shortly after we arrived I had to take off my cochlear implants cause it was just WAY to much for me.  When the ceremony started I looked and OMG they had an interpreter up on stage and she signed everything that was said.  OMG do you realize how RARE that is around here.  I mean I literally live right smack dab in the middle of Illinois farming country....the college is about 45 min north of us (it is the community college that 99% of local high school grads will attend before going on to bigger schools or out into the workforce).  I was SOOOOOOOOO grateful that the college used an interpreter.  When I figured out what his surprise was I looked at him and he had the BIGGEST GRIN.  OMG I love that boy.  I also want to give my nephew and nieces a HUGE shout out here for helping us keep tabs on our kids (my kids are just a hair younger than them and as I said OMG there was a HUGE crowd there last night).

Today has been super busy too.  I have a VERY part-time job that I work here at home and today I had to work till noon.  And then we had a late mothers day party for another close friend of ours.  This was her first year as a mommy.  LOL....she was very surprised and it was a wonderful time.  Then we came home and Jay and Toby went outside to work on "guy stuffs" (mowing, tilling garden again, working with tools) and me and Josie caught up on some "girl shows" before we headed outside also.  We got to sit outside and gab with grandma and grandpa next door for a bit and just chill for a few.  Tomorrow is chuck full of things too.  We have been visiting a different church lately and it is about a 30-40 minute drive, and then after church we are heading out to Jay's parents house so the guys can finish up working on my van.  Going to hafta keep an eye out on me and Josie though.  With all the running we have been doing me and Josie are kinda gettin run-down.  Josie had 2 "shakie" seizures today and I had one also.  But the good news is here after Wednesday they will be on summer vacation and we can slow everything down and manage activities a little better.

There has been alot of work going on around our yard here recently.  We made our garden a little bigger this year and jay is making different paths for me to follow to get around.  He is also making me some raised gardening beds so I can get in on all the fun.  Josie and I have also decided to be on the look out for some taller flower pots for flowers.  And Toby is so excited that now that he is a bit older daddy has started to let him help out more with the "outside guy stuff" (teaching how to hammer a nail, use a screw gun, tighten bolts, and all that jazz).  They have temporarily moved my ramp and tilled the ground under it.....and are going to put some netting down so the weeds and grass don't try to come up through.

Well.....I actually have a lot more to talk to you guys about, but it is 1am here and Stanley my oldest cat is sitting here staring at me as if to say "MOOOOOOOM, can we go to bed.....I cannot sleep until EVERYONE is where they are suppose to BE".  LOL   Not sure that my legs are going to allow me to sleep tonight, but I don't think I can in all fairness keep him up all night.  But PRAY they get the van done at a half way decent time so I can come back tomorrow to finish up.  Love you guys BUNCHES and as always thanks so much for listening.  :) 

WOW I am Blessed

Hi Everyone,

Hope everyone is well this warmer spring day.  Today is WONDERFUL.....not only is it a warmer day but it is FRIDAY.  OH YEAH BABY.....kids last day of school for the week, hubby's last day of work for the week and it is supposta be a warmer weekend.  I am excited.  So like normal, lets all take a min to grab a cuppa coffee, maybe a bagel or leftover Easter candy and catch up a bit.

Two major blessings have happened since last we talked, one you knew was coming and the other one WE didn't even know was coming but is so AWESOME I still cannot talk about it without getting teary eyed.  Ok, first my full time wheelchair that was on order finally came in.  My peeps, this thing is AMAZING.  It is so much easier to use.  The day I went and got it was just totally amazing.  Not only does it fit me to a T, but it is lighter, more adjustable, and just looks and feels like an extension of my body.  When I brought it home Grandma and Grandpa next door happened to be coming home from town and so we all went over there for a few min.  I rolled over there by myself.  In the 15 min we were over there I learned that I can do a "bump wheelie".  A bump wheelie is where you pop the smaller front wheels up off the ground so that you can easily navigate over small bumps (like thresholds in doorways or big cracks in sidewalks).  I am also learning how to do regular wheelies as it is sometimes easier to go over grass when you are in that position.  LOL gonna hafta practice with that more though.  My peeps (Jay and the kids) have even named him so he is officially part of the family.  His name is Bluebell cause she is just an AWESOME shade of blue.  Jay says she matches my personality (he says that I am a bit eclectic).  I have decided that it is a HE cause he is an AWESOME worker and takes some rough stuff sometimes to get me where I want to go.....and he does it well and without skipping a beat.

This next blessing was a surprise that popped up on our radar about a week ago.  One family that we are very close to (we actually regard them as family cause we have known them forever and literally they are just "our peeps".   He is an AWESOME mechanic and he keeps a lookout for vehicles that he can fix up and either sell, or give to peeps who are in need.  Well, he found a van that had been repossessed from the previous owner.  From what I understand the previous owner was doing some routine maintenance on it, didn't know what he was doing, got frustrated and just let it go back to the loan company.  The only thing that is wrong with it is there is a smaller dent in the hood, and it needs a belt, catalytic converter replaced, and a REALLY good cleaning of the interior.  Other than that is A-ok.  And our friend negotiated with the company that has the van and we got it for $500.  CAN YOU BELIEVE IT.  We are actually picking it up in the morning.  We thought it would be a VERY long while before we could ever THINK about getting a mini-van that would make things ALOT easier for me.  We prayed and just resided ourselves to make due with what we have.  Not only did the Lord hear our prayers, but He decided that we need it sooner rather than later.  And He worked His will through one of our closest friends.  MANY blessings on your house my brother.  You may not realize it, but the Lord provided a great blessing through you and I am forever grateful.  **BIG HUGS** 

Today has been a TOTALLY awesome day.  Fridays are my FAVORITE day of the week.  The kids last day of school for the week and the last day dear hubby has to work in the week.  Normally Jay should have Fridays off because they work 10 hour days, but lately they have been on overtime and right now that is really a blessing.  And we don't mind too much because he still has Saturday and Sundays off.  Today they found themselves getting their work done early, so Jay actually got to come home at 2pm.  So me and Jay got about an hour to ourselves to just kinda gab and wind down a bit before the kids came in.  AND.....Jay said that the ground outside was firm enough to test my power chair outside.  **BIG SMILES**  So I actually got to meet the kids outside when they got off the bus.  Jay hid behind something in the yard so the kids couldn't see him.  So when they got off the bus they got 2 surprises.  They were so happy.  They dumped their stuff in the house and QUICKLY came right back outside to play for quite awhile.  We also got to visit with Grandma and Grandpa next door.  Winter is hard cause we don't get to see them as much in the wintertime.  In the warmer weather we get to see each other ALOT more and help each other.  We are very lucky.  We are really close to all our neighbors.  They are an extension of our family.  We watch out for each other, help each other every chance we get, and gab every chance we get......LOL.  Jay and I actually have a "daydream" about if we ever won money (like in publishers clearing house or something like that).  We would buy a HUGE piece of land and then split it into 3 separate parcels.  We would then invite our neighbors and tell them that they each get a parcel of land if they want it to build a home on.  That way, everyone gets out in the country where they can retire, raise a family, or whatever their heart desires.  We REALLY love our neighbors.  In this day and age it is REALLY unusual for people to just sit and talk and be close to your neighbors.  People now of days are SO busy and centered on their lives that they don't really take the time to slow down and really take an interest in the people around them.  We are EXTREMELY lucky to have they neighbors we have been blessed with.  They are truly an extension of our family.  Our neighbors across the alley from us are just a bit younger than us and they are also AMAZING.  One example of this was this past Halloween.  They knew it was really hard for me to get out of the house at that time.  They were going uptown to watch the Halloween parade.  They took the time to come over and ask the kids if they wanted to tag along.  Needless to say, they got ready in RECORD time and headed out the door.  Not only did my kids have a BLAST, but our neighbors had a great time too.

Well.  It is 8pm here and no one has had any supper (we are late eaters anyway, and with it being Friday it's no biggie) but everyone is getting a bit hungry and I have NO CLUE what to fix....LOL.  Thanks for listening my peeps and will talk to you again soon.   **SMOOCHIES**

Let's Gab....Shall We

Hi Everyone,

OMG how I have missed you guys.  Things have been so busy around here that I really haven't been able to come back and talk to you guys.  So I am grabbin a cup of coffee as we speak and then GAB......hehehehehehehehehe...GAB.

Well last time I got to talk to you guys it was around Christmas and I'm not really sure where to start, so as always I will just start with the first things that come to mind and go from there.  :)   Good news FINALLY, insurance and medicare approved my wheelchair.  WOOOOHOOOOO so no more fighting with those 2 (or at least not for a little while).  I talked to the seating company here the other day and they said that my chair should be ready on the 14th or 15th of March.  I am so happy that this long drawn out process is FINALLY in the ending phases.  I guess I haven't really explained all that so I will here real quick.  When I went for my first seating evaluation I was using a rented hospital type wheelchair.  Well, medicare and insurance are SERIOUSLY lacking in common sense (keep this in mind).  Ok, when the seating company first went for approval for my permanent chair they both said NO.  Why????  Because they saw that I had a temporary chair rented and said "she has one".  Of course that is where the "lacking in common sense" comes in.  YES I had a chair, BUT it wasn't really functional in the way that I need it to be.  SO, the seating company came to my rescue.  They gave me a "loaner" chair and told me to take back the temp chair.  Now this "loaner" chair is NOT a hospital type chair.  It is a common name brand chair for peeps that are in one full time (quickie is the name on the chair made by sunrise medical i THINK).  O M G seriously this chair is AWESOME.  I can turn on a DIME and I can go ALOT further without being as tired.  Seriously it is lighter weight, and just overall more responsive to what I tell it to do.  And they said that my permanent chair is even lighter and more responsive than this loaner.  OMG SERIOUSLY, yeah I am excited.....LOL.

Of course, when one thing goes right, something else goes wrong.   LOL Murphy's Law.  We have 3 vehicles and for the past month ALL of them have been broke down.  Now before I get into all of this I want to give a shout out to all our AWESOME neighbors, who are the same as family to us.  They have let us borrow vehicles during all of this so Jay can work and I can go to doctor appointments, run errands, etc.  COME ON how many people in this day and age would do that for a neighbor.  We are TRULY blessed with the friends and family in our neighborhood.  My truck (Ford Expedition) just totally died one night with no warning.  Jay came in from work and then 5 minutes after coming in was going to head up town here to get me some missing ingredients for a supper I was making.  He went to start it again and NOTHING.  We have a close friend (he is like my brother and I have literally known him since I was in grade school) who is a mechanic.  A REALLY good mechanic.  We have narrowed it down to something in the wiring.  EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK do you know how much wiring is in a vehicle?  Yeah, needless to say my truck is still out of commission for the foreseeable future.  SO, Jay has 2 trucks.  One is a big heavy truck that we only use when we need to haul or tow something big.  It is older and has some problems (headlights don't work and some other minor stuff).  But the thing with that truck is we all cannot legally fit in it (can sit 3 legally, 4 in our family).  SO.......we have another truck here.  It is a 95 dodge dakota (one of our neighbors was selling it last summer and jay JUMPED on the chance for it cause all in all it is still a pretty good truck).  Jay and our friend put a new motor in it and it is good.  Only thing is it is REALLY tight.....LOL.  It doesn't have a topper shell, so when we go somewhere as a family my wheelchair and our daughter (Josie) are in the back (it is not a crew cab, but there is a small bench behind the front seats for peeps, VERY small).  Then it is me, Jay, and our son (Toby) are in front.  WOW yeah it is tight.....LOL.  BUT BUT BUT believe it or not when i am on my own or just me and the kids it is easier for me to load and unload my chair by myself in this truck (it has a bench seat in the front, so i just get in on the passenger side, slide over and then pull my chair in).  Ok believe it or not it is easier for me to do this BUT I have a feeling that it looks worse to other people.  The reason I say this is because when I am in town and loading and unloading people will stop and pull it in or out for me.  Now not that I am complaining at all, I really do appreciate the helpfulness of our community, but really it's not as bad as it looks I really can do it.  But most of the time people don't ask if I need help getting it in and out, they just step up and do it.  I know this sounds weird, but I would REALLY like people to ask first.  Normally I just smile and say thank you, cause they are taking time out of their busy day to help someone they think is in need and I DON'T want to seem rude.  But really in my heart sometimes I am screaming "HELLO NOT TOTALLY HELPLESS, I CAN DO THIS MYSELF".  But I will never turn someone away when their heart is in the right place.

All that being said, I GOTTA tell you about this.  Last month I had a meeting at school (IEP meeting).  Now my mom usually goes with me to these, as she helps translate because even with Cochlear Implants when we get more than 2 people in a room to me it just sounds like a whole BUNCH of charlie brown teachers talking (wawawa WAWA wawawa).  That and my mom has been thru school meeting with me and my sister growing up and she know the territory.  Now to the point of all this, my mom picked me up from home for that meeting cause of all the vehicle troubles we have been having as of late.  She has a mini van.  I really didnt think anything of it UNTIL she got here to pick me up.  Now my mom isn't able to lift very much, and she is a strong believer in "if you can do it, DO IT".  Which I am REALLY grateful for.  She has no problem waiting for me to get things done on my own.  She is supportive and understanding of the fact that I like to do things on my own (even though she knows that it hurts a bit and that it takes alittle longer and looks a bit weird).  Unless I specifically ask, she will allow me to "do what I gotta do".  That being said, we got outta my house and to her van and I went to load my chair. O M G OMGOMGOMG I LOOOOOOOVE MINI-VANS!!  I got that sucker loaded in 5 min FLAT.  ALOT easier than loading in ANY of our trucks.  I could sit in the front passenger seat and load my chair in the back.  BY MYSELF.  5 MIN FLAT.  And very LITTLE pain in doing it.  I was FLOORED.  We are not in a position to get a mini van right now, but when we are OMG we are gonna go for it.

Okie dokie, now onto to a TOTALLY different topic.....LOL.  I got the BAJEEZERS scared out of me the other day.  I mean SKEERD TO DEATH.  Nothing is more scary to a parent than a threat (real or perceived) on our children.  About a week ago I was online just doing my normal routine, when an alert popped up from our local radio station.  THIS is what I saw "BREAKING NEWS: Altamont Grade School in lockdown.  Heading to the scene, more details to follow"  My heart drops into my stomach and I FREAK OUT.  No running vehicle for me to run up there.  I frantically text my mom (she is hearing, maybe they will take a regular call since they could not take my TTY call at the time).  My mom doesn't answer.  Seeing my sister online I holler "CALL MOM NOW, MAKE HER CALL SCHOOL, SCHOOL IS IN LOCKDOWN".  She finally gets thru, and the school is finally released from lockdown and kids are on their way home.  Now why the lockdown you ask.......well there is a bank 1 TINY village block away from the grade school.  And it was robbed.  Thing is though, the criminals PARKED AT THE GRADE SCHOOL, went to the bank, robbed it, then came BACK to the grade school and made their get-away.  This was later in the day, so I assume they were trying to get lost in the "end of the day, hustle out the door" of the school.  Their vehicle was caught on the schools surveillance system, which is how ironically they were caught about 40 miles from here.  OMG ok we live in a small town, I mean a one flashing stop light town, town shuts down by 10pm kinda town.  Where you can take a midnight walk around town without fear of being harmed kinda town.  Did I over-react??  Maybe, but I'm a mom, cant help it.  Needless to say, everyone is fine but kids were a bit freaked when they got home.  They knew what was going on as it happened.  The principle called what my daughter says is a "code red" and he explained what was happening over the PA system.  Now some would say that he didn't need to let the kids know what was happening, I say GOOD JOB.  The more informed teachers and students are in a situation like that THE BETTER.  Our grade school has K-8 and for the most part the people there (both teachers and students) are AMAZING.  The older kids help out the younger kids in almost everything they can.  Now don't get me wrong, there are still bully's, and whatnot, but for the most part the people are AWESOME.  My son has a 7th grade "buddy".  He comes to help him with reading and some computer stuff and they have become really good friends. I think it is SO cool that an older student takes the time to help him and is GENUINELY interested in a younger student.  They see each other in the hall sometimes and will wave (Toby taught him our secret handshake and they will do it across the hall as they pass).  His buddy went out of his way (almost missing his bus) to find Toby and be sure he wasn't too freaked out.  Tell me how many 7th graders do you know that would do THAT.

Along those same lines a bit, I have been thinking.  They have a requirement in school that you must take a foreign language class to graduate.  Which I think is AWESOME, but could be tweaked a bit.  Instead of waiting till they are older, can we start even just a little in the younger grades?  And maybe offer ASL (American Sign Language) as a class?  ASL IS a language all it's own.  And like all languages it has a culture and history rich and unique in its own right.  I remember we had a Spanish teacher in high school and he was AWESOME.  He was very unique and brought more than just the language with him, he taught some history of the people that use the language, the culture, and the "funnys".  What I mean by that is some things in American culture he found HILARIOUS.  Of course, some things don't translate well from culture to culture or language to language, and he elaborated on this to "let us in" on the joke.  And would also tell us when something would "offend".  Same is true in ASL and deaf culture.  My kids have a heads up in this area a bit as we use speech, ASL, Pidgin Signed English, and lipreading (yes my kids can lipread which is a help AND a not so much help sometimes....LOL).  ASL has it's own grammar rules and the whole 9 yards.  And is a very rich language.  Pidgin Sign is like a mix of English and ASL (it is a mix of ASL and Exact Signed English).  The best way I can describe it is Pidgin English mimics spoken English a bit with the use of ASL signs, but the grammar is more like spoken English and is used when communicating with someone who knows a little sign, but is not fluent in the proper grammar of ASL.  My children love being able to sign and speak.  Do they use it for mischief??  LOL.....sometimes.  Like if they want to say something to someone but don't necessarily want them to know what they said.  Which is the WRONG reason to use it and they know better.  BUT it also helps them.  To them, it is comforting knowing that they can talk to me across a crowded room.  Sometimes (especially my oldest at the moment) it is hard to convey their thoughts in spoken word.  Not cause they are too immersed in ASL, but because they are kids and some things are hard for them to convey in a way an adult would totally understand.  Not sure if that made sense, but it is true.  My kids can fall back on ASL or Pidgin Sign when they want to talk about something that they just cannot get into words otherwise.  Which actually brings me great joy.  Knowing that instead of something stewing in their head and not being able to get it out, they can talk to me in a different way to let me know what is going on in their little heads.

Well, I really have ALOT more to talk about.  But it is noon here and I REALLY should get the dishwarsher going again and maybe some cookies for snack when the kids get home.  Love you guys and will talk to you soon.  :)

OH GOOD GOLLY GORSH we SOOOOO need to catch up my peeps.

Hi Everyone,

OMG my SINCEREST apologies for letting it be so long since I have written to ya'll.  This holiday season was OMG OMG soooooooooooooooooo busy that I just didn't have the time to keep up, but I PROMISE that wont be a prob anymore.  So lets grab a cuppa coffee and chat a bit shall we. :)

Not really sure where to begin, so I will just start in here and let my mind take us from here, there, and yonder and see where we end up.....LOL.  We didn't get a white Christmas for Christmas day, however we DID get a pretty good snow just after Christmas (about 6-8 inches).  It was pretty but OMG not real easy to get around in.  A REALLY close family member of mine had a heart cath like 4 days before Christmas which sent me into OMG stress mode.  It was actually kinda weird cause usually I dont go into freakout mode till after the situation is over and done with.  LOL.....THAT sounded really weird didn't it.  Usually I am the type when a serious situation comes up I keep most of my emotions tucked up under my sleeve (out of the way I guess).  I go into the situation with the "keep it calm for everyone, do what you can do, what needs to be done, pick up the slack for peeps when they just cant do it (wether that means physcially or emotionally cannot do things).  Then when the storm has settled and everything is said and done THAT is when I sit at the kitchen table over coffee alone (or with a trusted friend) and have my cry.  It was just really weird for me, cause for some reason right at that point I just couldn't be as strong as I needed to be.  Thankfully, everything is ok and there are no blockages and my family member is doing great, but still it REALLY bothers me to this day that I couldn't keep my emotions in check.

Christmas was amazing this year.  We have been tight on money for a bit now.  Not like OMG we are gonna die, but alot tighter than normal.  I was able to get the kids some presents with the gift cards that I earned thru swagbucks, but I wasnt able to get the clothes that I know they need.  But the Lord REALLY took care of us.  See before the Christmas break from school I found a note in the kid's backpack asking for their sizes in clothes.  I REALLY didn't think anything of it.  It was a handwritten note, and I assumed they were going thru the lost and found boxes at school and trying to match up the articles to the kids they belonged to (our school does this from time to time throughout the year).  Well.....then 2 days before the kids got out for Christmas break the school secretary sent a note home saying that I needed to come to the office and to bring Jay with me.  OMG I thought someone was in trouble.  So we went in and our school secretary had a HUGE smile on her face.  She told us to hang in the office for a min and she would be right back.  She came back with 2 HUGE bags and said "Merry Christmas......these are for the kids, we want you to put these under your tree from Santa for the kids"   OMG OMG I started crying RIGHT then and there (yeah told you my emotions have been playing with me).  We put them under the tree.....BUT they were already wrapped so we didn't know what they were till Christmas day.    OMG OMG O   M   G!!!!!!   Each of my kids got a HUGE box of clothes that FIT.  Then Josie got a big stuffed bear and Toby got a remote control monster truck.  Yeah, me and Jay both got REALLY teary-eyed (we didnt want to cry in front of the kids, but we couldnt help it).  I cannot express the gratitude I feel for all the people that helped us out when we REALLY needed it.

I got another surprise the day after Christmas from some of our friends that live in Chicago (about 4 hours north of us, depending on how fast you drive).  They told Jay that they had a scooter that wasnt being used, and they wanted to bring it down for me.  Ok here is the thing though.......he thought it would be a great scooter that I would be able to go outside with.....which is AWESOME..........BUT when they got here we realized it is actually a powerchair.   OMG A POWERCHAIR.....I CAN USE INDOORS AND OUT.   I'm not sure they realized what this really means for me.  See now I can get around on the main floor of my home.  I can sweep my kitchen, mop, cook, clean, go outside, go to grandma and grandpa's next door, walk the kids up to the park, go out and get the mail and I can do this ALL BY MYSELF.  No one has to help me AT ALL.  I was so shocked that I really couldnt convey my feelings to them at the time.  But when they left I just LITERALLY broke down crying.  Seriously people I poured a glass of kool-aid and took it in the living room all by myself, no one had to help carry it, no one had to open the fridge door for me, I did it on my own.  Not sure if they realize it or not, but the Lord used them as angels that day, and I am forever grateful to those 2 sweet men that saw a problem and came to my rescue.

Now we are still going to get the wheelchair so that I can also use it when we cannot bring the powerchair places.  And we are also going to use that on the 2nd floor of our home.  We are working on a way to get me up the stairs easier....and then once I am on the 2nd floor I can transfer to the chair and be able to work on the rest of the house.  Jay is just AMAZED.  He told me "it is like you are alive again".  My downstairs is totally caught up and I have been able to keep it up everyday.  I am cooking most of our meals again, and even fixing special treats that without my powerchair would just simply be impossible for me to do.  OMG can you imagine the things I will be able to do with and for my family when summer hits.  We can actually plan the weekend getaway that we have wanted for the past 2 summers (going to st. louis to the zoo, science center, arch, and union station).  None of this was possible before, it was all just a dream that I could not give to my kids because I could not get around.  Now not only is this possible, but will be a reality in a few short months.  I still have alot of pain BUT it is not compounded by trying to hobble around the house, and it is much more manageable.  I am not sure if anyone else can see this, but I myself can notice a difference in my overall mental well-being.  It sounds strange, but I guess things dont look as hopeless to me.  I'm not stuck on the couch for days on end, and I can contribute to my household......its like i'm really a wife and mommy again.  And it makes me feel so relieved that this takes ALOT off of Jay's plate.  He can walk in from work to a clean house and not hafta worry about just getting off work to come home to have to help me with a bunch of stuff.  He can sit down and relax knowing that I have 99% of the housework covered.

Well.....I ment for this post to be a bit longer, as I have ALOT still left to talk about, but the babies will be walkin in from school here in just a min and I need to get snacks ready.  But I promise I will post more later this evening or tomorrow.  Thanks for listening my peeps **SMOOOOOOOCHIES**