Hi Everyone,
It is 1:30 in the morning and I cannot sleep for ANYTHING. UGH. Tomorrow (well I guess today but ya know) is my seating evaluation. And I am a bit weepie about it right now. I guess it just kinda hit me wrong tonight that this is not going away. I have REALLY mixed feelings right now and none of them make sense to me. I am kinda excited for the idea of moving around and doing things better. But at the same time I am weepie for the fact that I cannot do things the way most people do. I know that sounds stupid, but right now that is the way I feel. I'm also nervous about the appointment itself. I guess I always get this way when it comes to something that I am really new at (or so Jay tells me). And I am nervous about the insurance/medicare approval for all of this. This next part will sound stupid, but it is the way I feel and be forewarned that i'm not sure if it will make sense. I'm afraid that the insurance and medicare will either drag their feet or put me up for denial for the submission for this. Medicare is NOTORIOUS for that, even though they know things are needed. I mean I'm not sure that I am mentally ready for all of this (the full-time use of a wheelchair) BUT the longer that I have to "stew" on it while we wait for the approval the harder it is gonna be when it actually comes time to pick up the wheelchair and use it full-time. Again, sorry if that didnt make much sense. The more time that lapses, the more time I have to sit and think about it (and if you havent noticed by now, I have a tendency to overthink things). On the other hand, my kids are actually looking forward to me having the better wheelchair. I know that sounds weird too, but Toby and I were talking before bed and here is how that conversation went:
Toby: Mama, you go to see the wheelchair doctor tomorrow right?
Me: Yes Bub I do.....how do you feel about that?
Toby: I am REALLY excited about it. Will they have it ready for you to bring home tomorrow?
Me: No Bub, they will hafta wait a bit before they can build it for me. What makes you excited about it?
Toby: Well, mama you fall alot and it hurts you just to walk. I know you try to hide it, but mama I can tell. And this will let you do ALOT more things that the big one wont let you do. In science class, we talk about things that we want to learn more about and then the teacher tells us yes or no and then he helps us look it up online. Then if it is something that has to do with science, we all talk about it. For my turn, I asked about wheelchairs and we looked it up. I really am excited that it will help you do more things and then I wont be as scared to leave you when I go to school.
Me: Bub, you know you shouldn't worry so much about mama. Yeah, I fall quite a bit, BUT you know that mama can take care of you and sis and daddy.
Toby: Yeah mama I know that you are REALLY good at takin care of us, but you cant choose what you worry about, it is just there.
So.....needless to say, yes he has a point......and sometimes it scares me how smart that boy is. But he is very excited about the better wheelchair. He is like me in some ways. He is a thinker. Which can be very good and will take him far in life. On the other hand......he ALSO like me, has a tendency to overthink things. But he is already showing that he has a pretty good head on his shoulders and for that I am thankful.
Well.....sorry about the weird post tonight. Just kinda here and there in my thoughts and worries. Please pray my peeps that all goes better than i expect it too. THAT would be a miracle right there. I had better go join Jay in bed. It is 2am and tomorrow is gonna come early. Thank you SO much for listening to my worry wartin. You really have no idea how much it means to me that you are here to listen. **smoochies**
No comments:
Post a Comment