Seriously.....I give up today.

Hi Everyone,

Yeah, as you can tell by the title I have had a HORRIABLE day.  Honest to goodness downright awful, shoulda stayed in bed totally.  Got the kids on the bus, then had to get ready for a doctor's appointment.  Fell twice just tryin to get ready.  Then went to get a paper prescription from Josie's dr cause for one of her medicines you hafta have the written version, they cannot call it into the pharmacy.  Well....getting back in my truck i fell again.....UGH.  Ok, then I went to my dr appointment (cause to get my medicine refilled every month i gotta see the doctor which is no problem.....usually.  Anyway, every so many visits i gotta take a blood test.  And today was HORRIBLE   Ok I have REALLY small veins anyway, but it is MUCH worse in cold weather (dont ask me why, but it is).  So I always tell them "ummmm you MIGHT wanna use a butterfly needle (this is a smaller needle and it had plastic like "wings" on the side of the needle to help them get where they need to get to).  I had my FAV nurse today so I didn't think there was gonna be any probs.  Ok, first she tried the arm that we normally use......and it wasn't workin at all.  So we moved to the other arm......that wasn't workin either.  So after about 10 min we went BACK to my other arm.  After about 10 min tryin in that arm she called in the dr.  UGH ok......HE didnt listen to me when i said you HAVE to use a butterfly needle.  He used a regular needle. AND did you know.....there is a nerve that runs down the rightish side of your left arm.  Yeah I didnt know this.  Well the vain he decided he was gonna try for is RIGHT by that nerve.  OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG he didn't just "graze" that nerve.....HE FLAT OUT STABBED THAT NERVE.  Not once, not twice, BUT THREE FLIPPIN TIMES.  Ok, we are not talking "your arm goes to sleep" type of pain.  We are talking EVERYTHING in my arm from my elbow down had SHOOTING pain.  Felt like that part of my arm was being electrocuted with high voltage shooting electricity.  Ok on that last try he didnt move the needle away  he KEPT IT THERE.  And I think I scared the devil outta him, cause on that last one after about 10 seconds i SHOUTED "YOU HAVE TO STOP NOW......RIGHT NOW!!!!!"   UGH this was HOURS ago and my arm STILL doesnt feel right.  UGH so after i scared the fire outta him (he has never seen me act like that, but OMG THAT huuuuuuurt) he decided to try in my hand (the back of my hand).  And THIS time I told him "we ARE going to use a butterfly needle or we are NOT gonna do this".  So after pokin and proddin on my hand they FINALLY got what they needed.  I'm serious.....I have a fairly high tolerance for pain, but I was in uncontrollable tears.  The OMG I am DYING tears.  Ok, so then I went to see Jay on his lunch break (my doctor is in the same town that jay works in.......and he was not happy with the doctor cause I was still in tears).  Then I stopped by my ma's house to check in on them and vent alittle.  THEN I went to the pharmacy.......then I came home.....BUT when I looked at my medicine I discovered it was THE WRONG DOSAGE!!!!   RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR  I normally take 10/325mg....they gave me 5/325mg.  SOOOOOOO I TRY to call the dr's office BUT on Wednesday's they close at noon for the day.....and it was 12:30. So I hafta call them in the morning.  THEN I fell on the way back in from watchin the kids get off the bus.  I'm sorry but this was more than I can take.  I made sure the kids got a snack and settled in for some cartoons.....excused myself the the bathroom.....and bawled like a baby.  I have just totally had it today.  I know that I am whining and that I need to slap myself and just buck up, but i just cant help it this evening.  I need a cry, i need a blanket, and I need a bed with some cuddles from my hubby.

Catching up after the Thanksgiving holiday.

Hi Everyone,

Hope everyone had a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.  It was a busy week here, but a GREAT one.  We had Thanksgiving at my mom's house on Thursday with my family.  OMG it was AWESOME.  All the things I was so worried about just kinda blew away with the wind when I walked in the door.  Everyone was just as normal as they always are.  Ma was busy cookin and tellin peeps to get outta the kitchen.  Hollerin at me for "taste testing" things that werent ready yet (ya she hollers but i saw her stealin some noddles when she thought no one was lookin....ROFL).  Kids were runnin around, playin nintendo's and gabbin, and the fellers were kicked back watchin tv and talkin and jumpin up to help ma when she hollered.  Lunch was OMG PERFECT.  Now my peeps say that I am a good cook, and i must admit i LOVE to cook, but there are just some things that mama makes better and OMG her lunch ROCKED!!!!!!!  After that the guys went into the living room again and we helped ma clean up.  Alitttle different this time......ma always sends leftovers home with me and my sis (cause it is just her and dad and my mom came from a HUGE family.....so when she cooks she cooks for 12 people.....cause that is the way she was taught).  Wellllllll.......mom forgot to get some containers to send home with us......so me and my sis ran up to the dollar general for them while Jay and mom worked on cleanin up the other stuff.  OMG we were only gone about 15 minutes, but it was AWESOME....we had a blast.  Then peeps settled in at the kitchen table for the usual rummy game and pumpkin pies.....YUUUUUUUMMMMM  and then OMG OMG OMG DEBATE!!!!!!   I LOVE DEBATE.   LOL, now i know what you are thinkin......no this is not peeps arguing at all.   This is free-spirited debate.  Mom usually acts as the moderator....and puts in her two cents in here and there.....but usually she will let us know when it is someone elses turn to "have the floor".  Now while the topics are serious....the debate is NOT.  There is NO hard feelings and no one gets mad in the least (except for my hubby sometimes, cause it is hard for him to understand that this is actually fun to us).  OMG we havent debated in awhile and OMG it TOTALLY ROCKED!!!!!  Usually in the end it comes down to me and my sis.....lol, and this time was no different.  ROFL......see we were brought up in an independent Bible believing Baptist family.  Now me and my sister believe in ALOT of the same principles, we also differ on many of them too.  My sister has a slightly stricter view on some things than I do.  Not saying one is right or one is wrong, just different.  She sees alot of things in the Bible as black and white....VERY little if any gray. While me on the other hand....i agree there are set black and white, right and wrong, areas....BUT there are also alot of gray areas.  My belief is that in those gray areas you hafta rely on the Lord to convict you personally about what is right and wrong for you.  What may be wrong for you to do, may NOT be wrong for another person do to.  Another example of where we differ just a bit is abortion.  I am both anti-abortion AND pro-choice.  I can hear you now saying "WHAT?????  You cant be both!!!!  Ok....hear me out here.  I believe that abortion is a sin, I believe that it is killing another human being.  I believe abortion is flat out WRONG.......BUT in the Bible it says that everyone was given a free will to freely choose right or wrong.  I have no right to tell someone else what to do with their bodies.  That is between them and God.  While I can give them advice and tell them how I believe, that is as far as i can go.  I can show them in the Bible and explain my point of view......but that is it.....the choice is between them and God.  I will not hold that against a person either.  Everyone makes mistakes in life.  In God's eyes, sin is sin....there are no "degree's" of sin in His eyes (meaning the person who cusses is just as guilty of sin as a person who drives drunk and kills someone.....both are the same in God's eyes....both are sins).  I cant judge you, cause I am a sinner too.  Now I must admit, I am more disgusted and upset with the person that drives drunk and kills someone versus the person that cursed....right or wrong, I am human too.  But that disgust SHOULD be aimed at the actions NOT the person.  Hate the sin, not the sinner (yeah I can tell you THAT is easier said than done in some cases....Cause there are some people to this DAY that I cannot be around because of past things......and that is both wrong on my part and their part.....but that is a whole other thing).  Not sure why all that came out.....LOL but it is there.  Needless to say, Thanksgiving was a blast.

Early on Saturday morning, we all piled in the truck and headed down to Carbondale (about 2 hrs south of us) to help some friends (and they are more like family than friends) work on the house that they just bought and are fixing up.  The focus was fixing the roof this past weekend.  OMG I am so excited that they are moving closer to us (they were 5 hrs away....and now are only 2 depending on how fast you drive and road construction).  Me and the kids got to help pick up stuff that the guys were throwing down from the roof, and some odds and ends.  I must admit I am kinda frustrated at myself for not being able to help more.  But I got to make supper for everyone on Saturday evening.....so that made me feel a little better (not much, but a little).  The kids were EXCITED that they got to help too.  Bubba also found some snails and OMG THAT was awesome.  Some of the shells didnt have anyone living in them anymore, but a couple of them were still occupied.  We were going to bring a couple empty shells back for his science teacher in a ziploc bag.....but everyone was so tired when we left on Sunday evening that we all forgot.  We will hafta dig some more up next time we go down there....LOL.  The trip home Sunday night was.....ummmmm......interesting, but ended up ok and kinda fun.  When we got about an hour away from home, all the traffic was STOPPED on the interstate (horrible road construction right thru there.....heavy traffic with everyone tryin to get home from the holiday).  Luckily we were right by an exit when we realized this and so we got off interstate and took the 2 lane all the way back (which believe it or not we made better time than we normally do on the interstate).  When we got home we grabbed some grub, I threw the babies in for a bath, and then cuddle time before bed (everyone fell asleep on the couch within 10 minutes....LOL).

Other than that not much going on here.  Kids are gettin back in the swing of school, Jay is back to work, and I am still workin on catchin up the house (OMG not sure i am EVER gonna get caught up).  OH HEY, by the way, the school FINALLY made a decision on the bus stop.  They have added a stop right here at our house.  WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!  And Allie and Abbie (the girls that normally get on with my kids) still have their bus stop too (so they dont hafta walk down 10th street either).  This just started this week and OMG OMG O   M   G it is awesome.  I dont hafta worry about any of the kids now (both mine and the other 2).  Yeah it seems kinda trivial to be excited about something like this, but OMG you dont know how MUCH this takes off my shoulders.

Well......my load of laundry is finished in the dryer and I really need to get it folded here and have the babies help me get it put up.  Thanks for listening to me ramble and vent.  **smooooochies**

My 4 legged peeps, Seizures, and Thanksgiving

Hi Everyone,

Hope all is well with everyone.  It's pretty late here (actually early cause it is after midnight here, but ya know).  Everyone else has long gone to bed, but my mind is racing, so here I sit sipping some coffee, watching my animals winding down and getting ready to go to their nite nite places (Daisy our dog goes to the foot of Josie's ladder, Peek-a-boo on Josie's bed at her feet, Two-faces on Toby's bed, and Stanley will start in our room.....migrate to Toby's bed about 2am......and then end up in Josie's bed by 4am).  Yeah Stanley our oldest cat is the "head of the house" when it comes to my 4-legged "kids".  He watches out for EVERYONE and he takes his job VERY seriously.  He is mainly drawn to me and Toby, but he watches out for everyone.  And Daisy our dog is the most sweet and lovable little pooch you will ever meet.  She is also VERY VERY intuitive.  Somehow she has picked up the ability to "sense" a seizure in both me and Josie before it happens.  She was about 4 months old when we first realized this.....one day she was FRANTICALLY pacing between me and Josie.....trying to get my attention....10 minutes later Josie had a seizure.  I thought it was just a coincidence and thought nothing of it.  About a month later the same thing happened, but this time with me (she started pacing frantically between me and Jay about 10 minutes before I had a seizure.....by the way me and Josie have the same type of seizures and I will explain those more in a min here).  So after that we realized that she has a special gift and we have learned to "listen" to her when she is warning us.  When she warns me about Josie I right away shut off all the lights and get a "camp-out" made on the couch with pillows and blankets and guide Josie to the couch.  Once this happens Daisy will NOT leave her side for ANYTHING.  After it is over Josie will "crash" (she will fall asleep and stay asleep for 6-12 hours straight).  And after that she is just fine.  Now a little more explanation on what type of seizure this is......it is not one where you pass out or fall on the floor.  I'm not sure on the "technical" term for these, but we call them "lupus seizures" (again both me and Josie have these and while she has not been formally diagnosed with Lupus, she has quite a few of the same symptoms that I have).  The mild ones we call "shakies" because literally they make you tremble (shake) to the point where it is hard to hold anything without dropping it.  These are mild and are more annoying than anything really.  The major seizures we call "spaceys".  These are the ones that we pray we are around people when they happen.  Now while we dont pass out per say....we kinda do in a way (stick with me on this one.....LOL).  What happens is like with Josie (i cannot say for me cause i dont remember anything, nor does she when this happens so I will describe Josie when this happens, but both my mom and Jay tell me it is the same thing that happens to me).  Josie will get this funny kinda "spaced out" look on her face (like she is seeing right THRU you).  I have 3 test questions that I ask her.  Now if we are home, Daisy will let me know before I have to ask these questions (and before there is anything out of the ordinary so I actually have time to get a "camp-out" made on the couch).  But if we are out and about I use these questions:

Me: Josie are you ok?
Josie: Uh huh (not her normal answer)
Me: Josie did you go to school today?
Josie:  Uh huh (again not normal)
Me: Josie are there pink and purple elephants dancing in the sky?
Josie:  Uh huh  (WARNING BELLS GOING OFF IN MY HEAD)

Again normally if I hafta ask these questions we are out and about somewhere and after that last question I KNOW I have to get her somewhere darkish and where there is not alot of stimulus (away from people, noise, etc).  After the seizure is over, I have ROUGHLY 45 minutes to get her home and either in bed or on the couch before she crashes (she will sleep anywhere from 8-16 hours).  Once she wakes up, she has no memory of the seizure and will also not remember roughly 6-12 hours before the seizure.  Both her and I have had testing done, and it shows that there is no permanent damage cause by these, but they are HIGHLY irritating (especially the memory loss, cause that can be REALLY confusing).  While we dont know specifically what causes them, we do know that stress and rapidly flashing lights (or lights flashed in a rapid sequence) are 2 things that WILL trigger them.  It can be anything from Christmas lights, fireworks, and some video games.  And this next one I'm REALLY not sure why it happens, but both Josie and I can personally attest that 3D video games or movies will do it too.  Now neither Josie nor I remember this, but Jay said that one day we were in Wal-Mart and Josie and I were looking at this 3D tv.  We put the glasses on and were watching the 3D movie that was on the screen.  About 30 minutes after that Josie started a seizure, and about 20 minutes after that, I had one.  Luckily, we were on our way home by then and Jay could get us in the house and situated before we crashed.  (Poor Jay, he had his hands full that day). Not sure why all that came out.....LOL but it did.  Anyway, this is the one thing I do NOT like about the Christmas season.  Christmas lights really REALLY mess with both me and Josie (the blinking ones).  And we REALLY hafta watch stress levels with all the hustle and bustle of the season.  We try to keep it low key (especially right before big family get-togethers).

This past Sunday was OMG AMAZING.  We got go to Church and spend some time with our Church family.  I REALLY missed everyone, and ya know, it wasn't near as scary as I thought it would be.  Everyone treated me the same as they always do.  I was kinda shy about having to sit in the middle of the aisle in my chair.....but ya know.....no one treated me like I was in the way (even though I know I kinda was).  It did my heart good to see each and every one of them.  It is kinda hard to put on paper here.  I mean, it was like no one even saw my chair.....they saw Bobbi and that was it.  I was the same person as I always have been.  I have never felt so at home in a group of people since all these mobility issues started.  We were literally one of the very last families to leave the church that morning, we felt that "at home".  I cant wait to get back into a weekly routine of Sunday morning Church, and maybe more involved in activities there (as long as I am sure that I will not be in the way and helping instead of hindering).

I'm not sure if i told you guys this next part or not, so please forgive me if this is a repeat.  I emailed the seating company here earlier this week to kinda "feel-out" where things are right now.  They said that the paperwork is still "in-house" and just went to their "medicare preview" department.  That department will look over all the paperwork and see if anything else needs to be added before it goes to medicare and the insurance company for approval.  I asked if it was a bit of a "pipe-dream" to think that this part of the process will be over before Christmas.  They said while I can certainly hope that is the case, yes that is a bit of a pipe dream.  RRRRRR.  The more time that I have to think about all this, the more time I have to worry about everything.  Will I be able to do the things I need and want to do with this thing......what kinda work-arounds will I need to think up......how will I do this or that........just normal Bobbi worry-wartin.

Tomorrow (or today i guess....LOL it is 2am here) is Thanksgiving.  We only have one family get-together today and it is my family's (and usually it is REALLY low key,  my sister and her family, my parents, and us......lunch...lounging.....a good game or 6 of rummy.....maybe some guitar playing....and GAB  OMG GAB).  I wish we could all get together under the same roof more often.  Seems like time just goes by faster and faster all the time.  I can hardly believe both my niece and nephew are both teenagers.  They both make me so proud.  They are turning into fine young adults.  I still remember when they were toddlers.  My niece is 14 and my nephew is 15.  I can still remember when my sister was pregnant with my niece and she would drop my nephew off with mom so she could go to her doctors appointments (this was before I was married and I still lived at home with my parents).  My nephew would come into my bedroom and climb in my nice warm waterbed to watch cartoons under the blankies with me.  We would play peek-a-boo, belly laugh at the cartoons, and ask memaw (my mom) for cookies (HELLO cant watch good cartoons without a snack).  I am still a bit uneasy about getting together tomorrow.  The mobility thing has me a little gun-shy so to speak.  I know that they wont treat me any different, but I also know that this is very new to them also.  I just dont want anyone to feel uncomfortable around me.  I guess just be the same ole Bobbi that I have always been and let the chips fall where they may. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I must say I have so much to be thankful for.  Even with all the weirdness in my life, I am ALOT luckier than most.  I have an AWESOME family that is 100% behind me and rolls with all the punches that come.  My husband is the number one bestest in the whole world.  I have 2 awesome, loving, silly, sweet, goofy, kind kids that think I am the most AWESOME mommy in the whole universe.  Friends that love me for who I am (even with all my eclectic tendencies).  I have a roof over my head, food on the shelves, 4 four-legged kids that love and watch out for me and my peeps, and all you guys to listen to me ramble.  Really, what more could a gal ask for?

Well, it is WELL after 2am here, and I better go crawl in bed with the fellas.  Bubba woke up here a bit ago, and I am sure he ended up in bed with Daddy.  My prayer is that they left me enough room to crawl in beside them....LOL.  Happy Thanksgiving my peeps.  Grab a cuppa coffee, smell the turkey in the oven (or ham or rabbit or whatever the case may be), and give all your peeps a good hug and cuddle.  Remember the reason for the season, shut the outside world off for a bit, and show them some LOVE.  **smoochies**

Best friend and Thanksgiving

Hi Everyone,

Hope all have had a good day.  WOW can you believe it is almost Thanksgiving.  OMG wasn't it yesterday that we were all complaining about the heat....LOL.  UGH the walls are quickly closing in on me today.  I have GOT to get outta this house before it eats me ALIVE I tell ya.  Usually I get out of the house for a bit on Fridays, but we are down to one vehicle right now (till Jay gets the little dakota runnin) and today was the first day of shotgun deer season.  BUT on a good note, I got to gab with my OMG bestest girlfriend online last night.  We have been friends since about 7th grade.  She lives about 12 miles from us, but they only have one vehicle too so between Jay's work schedule and her hubby's work it is hard to get together.  OMG it was SO AWESOME to get to gab for a bit (even online).  It's funny, we can have spells where we are not able to talk to each other for quite awhile, but when we are finally able to talk it is like no time has passed at all.  When we were younger it was rare that you would see one of us without the other one (for very long at least).  We literally did just about everything together (and still do when we can).  Aside from my husband, I can honestly say she is my best friend in the whole world.  We have cried together, argued together, gotten into trouble together and OMG belly laughed till we could no longer breathe together.  When i get embarrassed or weird about things I can talk to her and she will understand....cry with me....and then kick my bootie and get me goin again.  LOL from anyone else I would prickle up and say "WELL fooie on you", but from her I know that it is said in love.....and 99.99999% of the time she is totally right.  LOL can ya tell that I miss her something AWEFUL and we are gonna hafta get a movie night planned or something (hint hint if you are reading this chickie WE NEED A MOVIE NIGHT OR GIRLS COFFEE NIGHT OUT).  LOL in high school I was always the "odd duck out" (or at least I felt that way), but she ALWAYS made sure that I got in there and didn't go into my shell. Shortly after high school I realized that it REALLY dont matter what people think of me, just be who I am and let the chips fall where they may (something I wished I had caught onto earlier in life).  And we I start to get it in my head the "OMG what are people gonna think", she knocks my noggin and reminds me that "DUH.....it dont matter what people think......be comfortable with who you are.....cause there is only one Bobbi....fooie on what peeps think".   Be who you are and say what you feel.....cause those who matter dont mind.....and those who mind DONT MATTER.   OMG I love that chickie.
Well....we were supposta have my family's Thanksgiving tomorrow.....BUT my brother-in-law has manditory overtime tomorrow sooooooo we will be having Thanksgiving ON Thanksgiving day (which actually works out better cause this way Jay gets to hunt tomorrow too). I really cant wait to see everyone in the same place all at once....LOL.  AND my sister is in the Christmas music mood.....ROFL.  Still alittle self-concious about everything (cause my ma's house isn't wheelchair friendly so I will be hobbeling around).....but I guess it is like when you are doing something slightly wrong and a cop appears.  ROFL I will hafta TOTALLY explain that one  (stick with me it will all make sense here in a min).  One time me and my ma were picking up pottery for her business all the way over in Indianapolis on the Friday before labor day.  Didn't realize till we got over there that her license sticker was 4 months expired, and we had to STILL drive all the way back (about 2 hours depending on how fast you drive).  Needless to say.....labor day weekend starting TONS of state police out on the road.  Mom is not one to freak out.....but she was close....LOL.  So every time a cop would pass us she would stiffen up.  I told her "MA.....act like nothing is wrong.....like you know what you are doin....where you are goin...and all is run of the mill.  They will leave you alone.  BUT if you act all weird they are gonna think ummmm something is fishy there....and they will pull you over.  She calmed down and we made it back home with no traffic stops (even thought there were OMG TONS of state police out that day).  Now getting back to Thanksgiving here and how that applies.  I guess I just gonna hafta quit thinkin about it....do what I can....act like I know what I am doin and all is run of the mill.  "Act as though you have faith, and faith shall be given unto you".   In other words.....fake it till ya make it.
Well......Jay should be home soon cause it is dark now.  And I have done absolutely NOTHING in this house today (fell earlier today and said RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR gonna work on swagbucks....and never got back to doin what I needed to do.....LOL).  Don't give me that look, you have days like that too **wagging finger**.  But will hafta hit it hot and heavy on the housework tomorrow.  And the stuff that I need help with I will hog-tie Jay one of these weekends after deer season here and make him help me out (tag teaming as we like to call it).  And the kids will be home tomorrow to help me here and there.  Thanks for listening my peeps.  **big hugs**

Just catching up

Hi Everyone,

Sorry it has been a few days since I last wrote you guys.  Please forgive me if this post seems to kinda bump from one topic to another.....LOL brain going about 1 gazillion miles a min so I am just gonna blurt out the things that come to mind AS they come to mind.......LOL so warning I may be bumping to and from topics here.
Been busy with the kids this weekend and OMG HURTING like MAD.  See this past weekend it was warmer than normal (highs got up to the low 70's) BUT Sunday a cold front came thru and OMG I was curled up on the couch most of the day (even with pain meds, it was just not a good day).  Today is not really much better (highs are in the low 40's).  Pain is at a high-medium when i am sitting down but when I get up and try to shuffle around OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG yeah not good.  BUT on a good note, the kids were home Monday (veterans day, and by the way thank you SOOOOOOOOO much to all those who have fought for our freedom.  No matter if you served in peace or war time......you are GREATLY appreciated and loved). Kids helped me out a BUNCH and it was nice to have that extra day in the weekend to spend with them.  Just wish daddy (Jay) would have been off to enjoy the slow day with us.  He has been on overtime alot lately, BUT good news is this weekend and next weekend he will have his normal fri, sat, and sun off.  This weekend is hunting season and Jay is PUMPED. I would rather have him home cuddeling, BUT he is an avid hunter, and I wouldn't ever try to take that away from him.  I know how much he loves the woods and the whole hunting experience, and we also like the meat that it brings when he gets a good deer.  Now I can handle helping process the deer meat and wrapping and freezing and all that, but anything before it has been field dressed is HIS domain....LOL.  Not only does this provide meat for our household, but also helps the area manage deer population (which in our area is GREATLY needed).  I cannot tell you HOW many peeps get into accidents cause there are so many deer around here.  But I must admit I love driving thru the country with my peeps and seeing a group of deer out in the fields.  If we are out in the country and see some usually we try to stop and watch them for a bit.  They are BEAUTIFUL animals.
I must admit I am REALLY excited about seeing my sister and her peeps on Thanksgiving.  I got to see her and the kids for a bit after my seating appointment on the 6th, but it was only for like an hour or so.....and after not seeing her in person for a whole year it was just not enough to cram in everything.  I REALLY miss them alot.  Thinking about kidnapping her and the kids for a day to come to my house and help me hang pictures and stuff....LOL.  I have NEVER been good at decorating.  I know what I want to decorate the house with, but it is the placement of things that I TOTALLY suck at.  Now my mom and sister they will look at things and say "well you need to put this near that but keep it away from this other...."  and stuff like that.  LOL but I must say that my mom and sister have different tastes in decorating than I do.  Not to say that there is anything wrong with the way they do theirs....OMG their homes look OMG AWESOME.  But my style is just a bit different.  Jay calls it "eclectic".  I guess I take alittle of my mom's taste, and alittle of my sisters taste, but with a hippie freewill vibe to it. Best way I can describe it is if you have ever watched criminal minds or NCIS......ok my style would be Penelope Garcia (the computer girl) or Abby on NCIS (but I lean more towards Penelope in the style areas).  Tye dye, smilie faces, beads, VW beatle cars, Hippie buses with a hint of country, tractors, angels.
Other than that not much going on here really.  Thinkin about gettin in touch with insurance to see if i can speed things up a bit with the permenant wheelchair.  UGH I just want it to get here so I can get into a routine.  And REALLY lookin forward to maybe being able to volunteer at school and some other places.
Well, Jay is needin my hands here (he is packin up stuff for hunting tomorrow.....LOL  he is SOOOOOOOOOOOO excited).  Thanks for listening my peeps.  **smooooochies**

Extreamly frustrated to the point of almost just saying fooie on everything

Hi Everyone,

Hope everyone is doin good this cold November morning.  I'm a little frustrated and almost to the point of just sayin heck with everything and just hobble around the rest of my life (yeah I know that is really not an option, but that is how i feel right now).  My seating appointment went ok on Tuesday.  They did all their tests and they confirmed what all the doctors have been telling me.  BUT here is the thing.  The chair they say that I NEED I cannot get.  Why???  Cause they said that insurance and Medicare will not approve at all.  Yes my jaw dropped also.  I said "so you mean to tell me that this is the chair that would allow me to do everything that I need and want without having to find to many workarounds......but I'm not allowed to have it.....why wont they approve?"  Their answer "your age.  That is the only reason they will not approve."  SAY WHAT????????  Ok what does my age have to do with the price of tea in China??  Just because I am 35.....my age doesnt change the diagnosis, my age has nothing to do with anything in this.  They said they know, but it is what it is and they cannot change it.  So they picked out one that comes the closest they can.  Even with this said, they said that even the one that they picked that had the bare minimum of what I need we will still have to FIGHT for them to cover it.  So I asked point blank, "Ok so let me get this all straight in my head.  I cannot have the equipment that I NEED because insurance and medicare believe that they know my situation and medical needs better than 4 separate independent doctors and 2 different PT/OT's.  Then they MIGHT approve the bare basic of what I need (heavy on the might part), and I will STILL have to come up with ways to work around things because they wont approve of what I really need."  They said "in a nutshell yes that is exactly what the situation is."  UGH  ok do they do this to everyone?  Well....to a point yes, but more so in your particular case. Ummmm WHY????  Cause while you cannot walk correctly.....you can still "shuffle" you feet to a point.  We know that you cannot do this without canes, or for very long or long enough for you to be able to do anything at all.....but in their eyes you can shuffle.  Insuance and Medicare dont care at all about anything outside of your home.  They dont care about getting your kids to the bus stop, shopping for things that you need, church, ANYTHING other than in your home. And even in the home, they dont care that you fall all the time, they only see that you can shuffle to a certian extent and you are only 35....that is the only thing they are gonna look at.  If you were older, or if you had fell to the point of where you could not use your legs, THEN they would look beyond your age.  DO YOU SEE MY FRUSTRATION.  So we are gonna fight for a chair that wont totally meet my needs, but at least MAYBE it will work for what I need it to.  Will STILL have to find workarounds.  TOTALLY almost to the point of just totally giving up.  I fought my doctors for so long on all this, and NOW that I have resided myself to the fact that this is needed I have to FIGHT tooth and nail for it.  It's not the doctors that I am having to fight, but insurance and medicare.  Tell me how in the devil THAT is gonna work out.

UGH I am nervous and a bit weepie

Hi Everyone,

It is 1:30 in the morning and I cannot sleep for ANYTHING.  UGH.   Tomorrow (well I guess today but ya know) is my seating evaluation.  And I am a bit weepie about it right now.  I guess it just kinda hit me wrong tonight that this is not going away.  I have REALLY mixed feelings right now and none of them make sense to me.  I am kinda excited for the idea of moving around and doing things better.  But at the same time I am weepie for the fact that I cannot do things the way most people do.  I know that sounds stupid, but right now that is the way I feel.  I'm also nervous about the appointment itself.  I guess I always get this way when it comes to something that I am really new at (or so Jay tells me).  And I am nervous about the insurance/medicare approval for all of this.  This next part will sound stupid, but it is the way I feel and be forewarned that i'm not sure if it will make sense.  I'm afraid that the insurance and medicare will either drag their feet or put me up for denial for the submission for this.  Medicare is NOTORIOUS for that, even though they know things are needed. I mean I'm not sure that I am mentally ready for all of this (the full-time use of a wheelchair) BUT the longer that I have to "stew" on it while we wait for the approval the harder it is gonna be when it actually comes time to pick up the wheelchair and use it full-time.  Again, sorry if that didnt make much sense.  The more time that lapses, the more time I have to sit and think about it (and if you havent noticed by now, I have a tendency to overthink things).  On the other hand, my kids are actually looking forward to me having the better wheelchair.  I know that sounds weird too, but Toby and I were talking before bed and here is how that conversation went:
Toby:  Mama, you go to see the wheelchair doctor tomorrow right?
Me: Yes Bub I do.....how do you feel about that?
Toby:  I am REALLY excited about it.  Will they have it ready for you to bring home tomorrow?
Me:  No Bub, they will hafta wait a bit before they can build it for me.  What makes you excited about it?
Toby:  Well, mama you fall alot and it hurts you just to walk.  I know you try to hide it, but mama I can tell.  And this will let you do ALOT more things that the big one wont let you do.  In science class, we talk about things that we want to learn more about and then the teacher tells us yes or no and then he helps us look it up online.  Then if it is something that has to do with science, we all talk about it.  For my turn, I asked about wheelchairs and we looked it up.  I really am excited that it will help you do more things and then I wont be as scared to leave you when I go to school.
Me:  Bub, you know you shouldn't worry so much about mama.  Yeah, I fall quite a bit, BUT you know that mama can take care of you and sis and daddy.
Toby:  Yeah mama I know that you are REALLY good at takin care of us, but you cant choose what you worry about, it is just there.
So.....needless to say, yes he has a point......and sometimes it scares me how smart that boy is.  But he is very excited about the better wheelchair.  He is like me in some ways.  He is a thinker.  Which can be very good and will take him far in life.  On the other hand......he ALSO like me, has a tendency to overthink things.  But he is already showing that he has a pretty good head on his shoulders and for that I am thankful.
Well.....sorry about the weird post tonight.  Just kinda here and there in my thoughts and worries.  Please pray my peeps that all goes better than i expect it too.  THAT would be a miracle right there.  I had better go join Jay in bed.  It is 2am and tomorrow is gonna come early.  Thank you SO much for listening to my worry wartin.  You really have no idea how much it means to me that you are here to listen.  **smoochies**

WHEW....got outta the house LOL

Hi Everyone,

It is F-R-I-D-A-Y, OH YEAH BABY!!!!!!  LOL hope everyone had a good one.  My day started off yucky but got better as the day went on a bit.  I only got about 3 1/2 hours of sleep cause Jay was kickin in his sleep again.  Poor guy, I'm wonderin what is goin on, hope it corrects itself soon.  So then I got the babies on the bus.  Always hard in the mornings as they are normal kids and just wanna crawl back under the nice warm blankies (and I cant blame them there), but fridays are special cause COME ON IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!! So after I got them off to school I got dressed and headed into town.  Normally Jay is off on Fridays, but he is on overtime today and tomorrow so it was just me.  Was going to drop in on my ma's weekly hair appointment just to gab a bit, BUT the place where she does her hair has steps, and that is the only way in the building :(  But when I get my lightweight wheelchair I hope to be able to work around those, but for the moment they are impassible for me.  So I went and paid a bill, then went to wal-mart for some odds and ends and to look around a bit.  Now while I have a love hate relationship with my chair, I must say today I hated it.  Yeah it got me where I wanted to go but OMG this thing is hard to maneuver   I REALLY hope everything they say about the lightweight ones (the one that is custom fitted to my body) is true (they say they are easier to maneuver and alot more responsive to what you are wanting them to do).  I got wore out just in wal-mart.  But I havent been outta the house in 2 weeks here so I wasnt gonna just stop there.....LOL.  Stopped by the center for independent living and got what little (and it was VERY little) information they had about loans or grants to make the house wheelchair friendly.  Went to the mall (keep in mind a small town mall not a big city mall) and looked around a bit.  It is a PAIN to get jay to take me there, so I thought while I was out I would visit hallmark, bath and body works, jcpennys, see what is playin in the theaters so I know what to look for on DVD soon (our theater isn't closed captioned so I cant go and understand ANYTHING).  Got to talk a bit to the older gentlemen sittin around the candy store drinkin coffee.  Then I went to the USDA office to see about their loan/grant program that the center for independent living told me to look into (what a joke).  OK.......they only give grants IF you are 62 or over (not anywheres close).  They have a loan program BUT couple of things here.  FIRST you have to have EXCELLENT credit (and with all the medical things right now we dont).  Next you have to be BUYING a different house.....they wont work with one that you already own.  Like if you were looking to move, you would get approved, then pick out your house, then they would come in and renovate it to what you need.   UUUUUUUUUGH.  OK......IF I had the ability to buy a different house......WOULDNT I BE ABLE TO GET THAT IN THE LOAN FOOOOOOR THAT HOUSE.  So who the devil can they help with those terms. And of course they didnt have any leads for help for us.  Now if I lived in Chicago or Springfield......THEN there would be TONS of agencies that could and would point me in the right direction and they are more lenient in those areas cause they are not rural (kid you not, this is STRAIGHT from the people at the USDA office).   I am to the point of saying the devil with it and work with what I got and if I kill myself falling in the process so be it.   UUUUUUUUGH.   OK......next stop was the school.  Our school has an open door policy when it comes to lunchtime.  Parents and grandparents can come in and eat with their kids at lunchtime (new program just got started here).  So I had lunch with bubba (missed Joe's lunchtime) but I am thinkin this is gonna be a regular Friday thing for me as it was pretty fun.  Then I talked to the main man in the bus garage about moving or adding a bus stop at my house.  UGH  He said that he would come by again (never knew he had been by the first time) and see what we can do.  He said we will work something out, BUT the way things have been workin out so far I have little faith.  BUT that is ONE thing I WILL fight tooth and nail for.  I dont mind putting myself in harms way, BUT when it comes to my babies we WILL do things MY WAY.
Anyway.....FINALLY made it home and in the house and then did some odds and ends and some swagbucks (they have AWESOME deals on gift cards from now till the end of the year, so I am hittin that hot and heavy thru Christmas).  Got the babies off the bus and they are PUMPED.  Why?????    HELLOOOOOOOO COME ON IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!!  And THAT my peeps, was my day.  LOL  Thanks so much for listening.

Ever have one of those days where everything you touch turns to poo? I HATE MONDAYS

Hi Everyone,

OYEOYEOYE WHAT A DAAAAAAAAAAAY.  I totally HATE Mondays.  Always have and today was NOT my day.  I only got about an hour and a half of sleep (Jay was kickin in his sleep and OMG it hurts when anyone touches my legs).  Then I got the kids on the bus.  Tried to go back to sleep for a bit, but everyone kept buzzin my phone for some reason this morning, so i gave up.  Then i fell trying to negotiate the steps.  Then I learned that the cats broke the ONLY lid i have for my cooking pots.  Tried to load the dishwarsher but the caddy that holds my sliverware came apart (Jay can and has fixed this for me before, but of course he was at work).  Then I fell in the laundry room tryin to put clothes from the warsher to the dryer. Talked to my sis to plan out dates for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We THOUGHT we planned around Jay's hunting season BUT I was wrong, so instead of having 4 days for his first season he will only have 3.  Fell AGAIN in the laundry room switchin laundry again (this time missing the edge of the gun safe by inches) and THEN I fell trying to get out on the porch to watch the kids come in from the bus.  And after that i said NOOOOOOOO MORE.  I go on STRIKE for the rest of the day.  And I have been on the couch ever since.  And it didn't stop there.  I work a site called Swagbucks.  It is a reward site where you can do things to earn "swagbucks" and in turn cash those in for actual gift cards.  Once you get the hang of it, it is pretty fun and easy.  I have made the majority of my christmas money that way.  BUT the swagbucks TV that i normally have running in the background while i workin on surveys isn't working for me today.  UGH I TOTALLY GIVE UP I TELL YA.  Sooooooo   right now i am sucking on a blueberry dum dum sucker, writing in this blog, and watching the Mr. Men show with toby while Daddy is in the shower.  I might work on the cuddle blanket i am making for Josie (gotta make bub and jay one too after hers is done).  Daddy is making supper for me tonight, and then there is a new episode of Hawaii five-o on tonight.  I am gonna chalk this day up to the fact that mondays hate me, and start fresh tomorrow.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed.....maybe I am overthinking things

Hi Everyone,

Hope all are having a great day, and enjoying this last day of indian summer.  I'm doing ok, I guess I just feel a bit overwhelmed today for some reason.  And of course this could be me just overthinking things.....LOL.  I am still trying to find information on some assistance for making our home more wheelchair accessible.  Seems like there are alot of articles on the internet that suggest that there is help out there, however they are scant on details as to where to go and what grants to look for.  Tomorrow after I go to parent teacher conferences we are free for the weekend (Jay has Fridays off usually and the kids are outta school tomorrow).  Sooooooo......we will probably do some errands in town and I may have Jay take me to some places that might have some more detailed ideas on where to look and what steps i need to complete.  And this house situation is REALLY starting to frustrate me.  Don't get me wrong, I totally LOOOOOVE my home.  Our neighbors are very much a part of our family.  BUT we kinda outgrew this house about 1 kid ago.....LOL.  Ideally we would like to add on to the house out toward the garage.....then move the kitchen and living room....that way we could install a ramp on the 3 steps separating our existing living room/kitchen. But for the moment I am very frustrated.  My home is.....well......lets just say VERY well lived in.....LOL.  Not much storage room and with my mobility issues things have gotten very cluttered.  And it frustrates me that I am MUCH slower now so it takes me longer to do what I need to do safely.  My ma suggested that I look into getting someone to help me with the house.  But I'm just not to that point yet.  I wouldn't mind help in getting everything caught up and organized (as i THINK i would be able to keep it up better if it were organized) , but to have someone come in on a regular basis......ummmmmmm no sorry.  I am 35 and a mommy and wife.  With the correct adaptations I could TOTALLY do this on my own NO PROBLEM.  But as the layout stands right now it is a MAJOR challenge (not to mention a bit of a safety issue cause i tend to fall ALOT with those stairs and even on even terrain......LOL).  Yes....I was a bit of a klutz before all this now that it takes all the power i have to schooch my legs forward one at a time to hobble around it is like OMG 10 times worse. (think of a newborn giraffe trying to walk on ice).  Now I'm not asking for a handout.....I am TOTALLY willing to put work in where i can and money where i can.  But with the economy, medical bills, and everyday life we have found ourselves with less than stellar credit.  But really I'm not asking for a mansion or anything extravagant.  I just want to be able to move around my home to the point where i can take care of my family without the fear of bodily harm.  I want my husband's mind to be at ease when he is at work (he worries terribly that something is going to happen while he is at work and the kids are at school).  But it is REALLY important (REALLY IMPORTANT) for me to be able to do things on my own, without worry, without having to plan my next 3 steps in advance.  I CAN DO ANYTHING everyone else can, I just need some adaptations to make it safe.  I dont want people doing it for me, nor do i want people to see me in their minds as helpless, because I AM NOT.  I just need the chance and the modifications necessary and then WATCH ME FLY BABY.
Once I get things the way I need them here at home, I am thinking about inquiring about places that maybe I can volunteer.  I want to help other that need assistance, or just need someone who understands what they are going thru.  Ideally I would like to work behind the scenes with a place that offers these services for people.  I live in a rural community and I'm not even sure if there is a place out there helping people with these kinds of needs.  I mean I am a fairly intelligent woman, if it is this difficult for me to find resources, think how hard it is for someone who is elderly, or someone who may not be good at researching things online, or someone with little to no family support.  When you think of it that way, I'm really lucky in my situation (even with all the difficulties).  We HAVE to find a way for these resources to be more well known in our community, or if they don't exist we NEED to make them exist.  I can tell you from personal experience, people with disabilities are NOT looking for a handout.  They are looking for just a bit of help so that they can do things on their own.  Even people without disabilities need morale support, a smile from someone who understands what they are going thru.  And I'm sorry, with all the day to day difficulties we face, we shouldn't have to jump thru a million hoops just to be able to find ways to work around what we deal with.  I'm not saying it should be a cake walk.....but just a BIT easier.  Even if it is just a bit easier to find resources to point people in the right direction, a caring smile, someone to talk to. I am NOT one of those people that think just because I have disabilities that I am owed something.  I am JUST like you.  The only thing you owe me, is the decency to treat me as you treat everyone else.  But I do think that we need to advertise (for lack of a better word) the resources that are out there for people.  You dont know who is at the end of their rope dealing with these issues that are hanging by a thread.  I am lucky, I have family and friends who love me for who I am.  But what about those people who are alone and no one to bounce ideas off of or even just to get a hug and let them know hey yeah this is hard BUT we will get thru it.  And for those saying "well....in a rural area you really dont need those types of services"   OH YEAH?  You would be surprised at how many people there are around here who could REALLY benefit from programs like that.  Young and older alike.  Even to just help educate people.  You would be SURPRISED how many people I freak out just by being deaf, let ALONE mobility issues.  I know that it is a rough world out there, but ya know sometimes even just a smile and a nod goes a long ways to helping people.  And if you can make someone's day a little brighter or make it just a bit easier for someone to do things, whats the harm.  Not only will you make a difference in someone's life that really needs it, but you would be AMAZED what you will learn also.
Thanks for listening my peeps.  **smoochies**

Just a loafin

Hi Everyone,

Hope all have had a good day.  Not too bad here.  Was sick most of the morning, but THAT was my own stupid oopsie.  I forgot to eat with the antibiotics that i am taking for a sinus infection.   UUUUUUGH....yeah wont do that again.....LOL.  Enjoying Indian Summer while it lasts.  It was in the mid 70's today, and tomorrow will be in the high 70's before it drops off on Friday.  Speaking of Friday......kids are outta school and I have parent teacher conferences.  My ma usually goes with me to help with any translation problems and to see how the kids are doing in school.  That way i dont miss anything, and it is less frustration for me when she comes with to translate.  I also need to go to the bus garage at the high school to see if they will add a bus stop at my house.  Right now there are 2 stops on 10th street here for our bus.  See to get on the bus the kids go down to the cul-de-sac just across the road and down a bit.  In the evenings since the bus is comming from the other direction, the bus driver comes more toward my house since my kids are smaller and he knows that i cannot make it down there.  BUT in the mornings, i cannot go all the way down to the stop.  I can go with them to the mailbox, but they have to cross 10th by themselves and then walk down the ditch to their stop.  Which is ok, but 2 things......one i am scared to DEATH that one of these days someone will forget something and DART back across 10th street.......and two when snow hits they cannot walk in the ditch, as it becomes impassible, so they will have to walk on 10th street itself.....which is NOT gonna work for me AT ALL.  Sooooooooo   the school is gonna hafta either add a stop at my house, or have the 2 other kids that get on with Toby and Josie walk down here (they are older and take walks on 10th street all the time in the summer.  Which i PRAY they just add another stop here at the house.....cause i REALLY dont want the other 2 to have to walk 10th in the winter either.  They are a couple years older than mine, BUT their parents leave for work about 10 min before the bus gets here......and they are AWESOME girls.  They REALLY watch out for Toby and Josie on the bus and such.  Where i stand in the yard, i can see the bus stop and the next one too.....and i kinda "watch out" for all the kids that are in my view.  10th street isn't like a major highway, BUT it gets very busy on this corner in the mornings.  Peeps going to work, kids picking up their friends for school, etc.  I have fought my hubby on this asking for another bus stop thing, but picking up my powerchair has been put on hold for a bit (due to trying to save up gas money again) so I really cannot argue with him on this anymore.
I went to the doctor yesterday (for sinus infection and medicine refill).  It went ok.  They asked for confirmation as to when my seating appointment is and made me PROMISE to give it to them straight and not try to hide pain or anything.  They also adjusted my pain medicine so that it will last longer.  I still try to hide alot of the pain, even from them.  Not really sure why, that is the way i have always been i guess.  I dont like to make people uncomfortable and really dont like being the center of attention (again i am the "work in the background" type).  I guess I feel that if i show my pain that it brings unwanted attention and makes me look weak. But i agree, this is silly thinking when it comes to talking to your doctor.

Well, Jay (hubby) is outta the shower, and I have supper to work on (we keep a later schedule than most peeps cause Jay works 10hr shifts (but cant complain cause he is off on fridays).  Thanks for listening my friends  **hugs**

Indian summer is here

Hi everyone,
Hope you are enjoying indian summer that is slated for this week. What is indian summer you ask.....indian summer is the last warm spell in the fall before cool weather sets in for good till spring. This happens after the first hard frost (which has happened here where i am). Highs here are going to be in the upper 70\'s all week till saturday, when the highs will sharply drop down into the high 40\'s and low 50\'s for the forseeable future. And that is it for the regional weather lesson for today.....LOL
Not much is going on here. Tryin to get around the house as best i can to get caught up on house work and trying to find workarounds that will get me by for the moment. And i have OMGOMGOMG CABIN FEVER BAAAAAAAAAD!!!! I really want to go to the mall just to be around people, see what movies are playin, window shop ANYTHING to get out of the house. Now my hubby on the other hand would rather not (which is REALLY weird cause usually I am the homebody and he is the OMG GOTTA GET OUTTA THE HOUSE guy). But I have another reson to look forward to the 6th (other than my seating evaluation). My sister is goin to meet me for lunch after my appointment **shaking with excitement**. Now i know that doesn\'t sound very exciting, but a few things to keep in mind. Here a few years ago her family moved to a town about an hour away from here, and i REALLY dont get to see her very often. And with gas prices the way they are, it is hard for us to see eachother. We talk alot on messenger and such, but i havent seen her in person since last Christmas. I\'m so excited and totally scared at the same time. Scared?? Yes scared. Last time i saw her I could hide my mobility problems alot better than i can now. There is no "hiding" my difficulties now. And remember me saying that i am VERY self concious about it, yeah THAT is the scared part for me. Number one i DONT want to freak her out. Number two i DONT want her thinking of me any different. Not that she would, maybe that part is more in my head, but it is still there. Now she is 2 years older than me, and a very inteligent woman. She is an AWESOME teacher and is OMG nifty with a sewing needle (that girl can make almost anything from a needle and thread and she can decorate a house with the best of them). That being said, even when we were younger I would still try to protect her from things i knew would hurt her. Not sure if she ever realized i do that, but i always have. That being said, I\'m really nervous about our lunch and the upcoming holidays. I know she will be understanding and she wont treat me any different, but i also know that it is not gonna be easy for her either. She has a heart of gold and this is something i really cant protect her from. I cannot "hide" my mobility problems like i use to. The places we have or holidays are not WC friendly, so i will be "hobbeling" and that is not a pretty sight. (And not something i can do for any length of time). I will be able to hide that part on our lunch, but not over the holidays (i hope to be outta my car and in my chair before she gets there LOL). And as far as the holidays i still want to do the things i have always done (like help clear the table, help with dishes, etc). I can still do those things, just in a little bit different way (i do those things sitting down now with some help from Toby). I dont know. I guess i am just worrying and rambeling a bit, but those are the things on my mind right now.

Tis the season and the everyday

Hi Everyone,

Hope all is good this dreary fall day.  The colors on the trees are all turning and the winds are starting to blow them off the trees.  I LOVE this time of year.  Toby (my youngest) has been home from school the last couple of days fighting a fever and bronchitis.  As long as i keep Tylenol in him his fever subsides, but miss a dose and OMG right back up it goes :(  So he has been home layin on the couch, snoozin, watching cartoons, and helpin me out a bit.  He LOOOOOOVES to help mama and we make a pretty good team.  He especially likes to help load and unload the dishwarsher.   I cant stand up for very long if at all most times, so we have worked out a system.  I will sit at the dishwarsher and stack things together that go in the same place.  He will use his super-boy monkey climbing abilities, and climb up to the cabinet he needs  then I will hand stuff up to him to put up.  Then when we load the dishwarsher, he will bring me the stuff off the table to the sink a little at a time for me.  I will sit and rinse them off and load them in the dishwarsher beside the sink.  (keeping in mind I use one of my canes to work the water and the switch for the garbage disposal. It always brings a smile to his face when he knows that he is helping. I PRAY he never grows out of that cause that will take him far in life. Josie (my oldest) likes to help, but she is 10 and alot of times she will take the opportunity of bubba helping me and get in some alone time (bubba doesn't realize that she needs some "me" time sometimes and has a tendency to bug the bajeezers outta her).

Other than that not much really going on here.  Waiting for the 6th of next month to find out where we go from here.  I FINALLY got ahold of the center for independent living for our area.  They didn't have any information on any grants to make our house wheelchair accessible, BUT she said that she will do some research for me and find something, cause we both know they are out there, we just gotta put our heads together and look.  And the PT/OT (phycial therapist/occupational therapist) that I see on the 6th for my seating evaluation might have some leads too.  I am determined to get everything where I need it so I can fully take care of things on my own.  Don't get me wrong, it is nice to have my family help, but I want to be able to do it on my own when I can.  Where there is a will there IS a way.  I have also prayed and stewed for awhile on the issue of church.  I was brought up in an independent, Bible believing, baptist family.  And my husband was raised on the same values and principles.  We have been out of church for awhile mostly due to the fact that I could not get over my embarrassment over my inability to walk correctly and now the need for a wheelchair.  After much fighting with the Lord, I have givin in to what I know is right, and we are actively looking to get back in church.  

On a different note, I am thinking about writing an email AND a letter to the local walmart.  The nearest "bigger" town to us is 15 miles away.  2 interstates go thru that town and it has a bigger walmart than most places.  Now, they have regular shopping carts, and then specialty shopping carts for people with kids.  BUT they don't have any wheelchair shopping carts (these are adapted carts that you can hook onto the front of your wheelchair so that you dont have to depend on someone else to wheel a shopping cart for you).  Now I am going to be very nice when I bring up the subject, cause in reality, unless you are in need of one the thought of one may not have ever crossed their minds.  Now yes they do cost the company money, BUT think of it this way.....when I am alone (hubby at work, kids at school) my shopping is restricted to what I can fit on my lap.  BUT if I had access to a wheelchair shopping cart, I could and WOULD by more on my trip to their store.  So in reality, not only does this help me, but also them.  And with the interstates RIGHT beside them, I bet it would help other customers also.  Now I really dont have to worry about this at the mom and pop shops in that town, as they are small enough where i can get a lap full.....take it to the counter....and they will hold it back till i get everything i need, and they will hold it at the counter while i take what i can out to my vehicle and come back for more (or in most cases they will help me out with it if i allow them too).

Well, I have to go now, as bubba is trying to make a peach jam sandwich and for some reason today it is not going very well for him.....LOL.  Thanks again for listening my friends.

OMG FRAZZELED

OMGOMGOMGOMG I AM FRUSTRATED.  Fatooshed, fershknuckled, miffed, torqued, irritated and and all.  OYE.  Ok a family friend suggested that we look into finding more information about a grant or low interest loan to make our house wheelchair accessible.  HOLY CRAP that is a good idear.  Ok he suggested the first place we start is CEFS (a community outreach program that helps with things like this, heating for those who cannot afford it, meals on wheels etc).  Now keep in mind, when i call places I have to use the national relay system (cause I am deaf).  Most places in this area are NOT very tty/relay friendly.  Anyway more on that later here.  I called them and they said i needed DOOR's (a different program that helps disabled individuals with any number of different needs).  Soooooo I called them, they said I needed the vocational rehab offices (DUH even I knew that was wrong).  But I called them anyway, they said I needed the center for independent living.  Now THAT sounds about right or at least on the right track.  BUT by the time i got through with all the run around, they were closed by the time I called them.    OYE what would be a 5 min phone call for a normal person takes 15-20 min for a TTY/Relay call.  NOT because the operators are slow, NOT because I am slow to answer, NOT because the translation takes too long.  The reason behind this is because the most articulate people in the world become BUMBLING IDIOTS when they receive a TTY/Relay call.  I'm serious they turn into people that have NO common sense.  I kid you not, the relay system is NOT that hard to understand.  It is almost EXACTLY like talking on a CB, only with a middleman.  4 rules that is it.  1. Don't interrupt the other person when they are talking (cause it REALLY ticks off the operator and rightfully so).  2. When you are finished speaking and ready for the other person to answer you say "go ahead" (just like on a CB you would say "over").  3. When you are finished with the conversation and ready to say goodbye you say "stop keying" (like on a CB you would say over and out).  4. Do NOT talk in the 3rd person (like don't say "tell her that......"  or "could you ask them.....")  When people translate (either via relay or even in person) they translate what you are saying VERBATIM word for word.  They do NOT correct your grammar or anything in anyway.  It is like telling your husband Frank "could you tell Frank to take out the garbage".  Not only is it EXTREMELY rude, but it makes us feel like you are talking down to us (makes us feel like you think we are incapable of understanding, like we are mentally slow or something). OMG, and this is not only on TTY/Relay calls.  This is general public too.  I have had more than one waitress ask my husband "and what would she like to eat.  SERIOUSLY. Come on people.  I am CAPABLE of ordering my own food.  I not only use sign BUT I am a fairly good lipreader.  OYE, sorry I will get off that soapbox now  .
But along those same lines, I find the same kinda things with being out in a wheelchair.  OMG come on people.  I am a PERSON.  I am more than my disability.  I have feelings, thoughts, and a pretty good IQ.  Don't treat me as if I am slow to the mind.  Don't pretend I am not there.  There is NO reason for you to be uncomfortable around me.  I PROMISE I won't bite.  Talking to me will NOT turn you into a goon.  Starring at me instead of asking the questions that are on your mind is number one ANNOYING and number two EXTREMELY RUDE.   I would rather you come up to me and kindly ask the questions that you are asking yourself in your head.  I repeat, I am NOT gonna bite you.  I would rather you ask me like you would ask anyone else that you meet on the street.  Look past my wheelchair, and look at the person IN IT.  DON'T treat me like you pitty me.  I am JUST fine.  I may have to do things differently than you do BUT I CAN do everything that you do.  DO NOT PRETEND THAT I AM NOT THERE!!!!!  How would you like it if everyone in the world went out of their way to avoid eye contact and went out of their way NOT to talk to you.  I am a person.  Again I won't bite, and my wheelchair is not something that you can "catch" to make you sick.  Please do not scold your kids for talking to me or asking me questions.  I PROMISE I will not say anything to your child that will warp them.  I can answer their questions in a manner where they will understand, I will NOT share all the gory details, but I WILL tell them enough to satisfy their curiosity, while not going into too many detail.  I will NOT bite or eat your kids I PROMISE.  No they are not bugging me.  They are trying to learn, and that is a good thing.  I understand that kids are very blunt and they are not trying to be rude.  When I am trying to get in and out of my vehicle PLEASE don't stare at me.  Yes I KNOW it looks odd, you staring at me does NOT make it any easier on me and makes me wonder if your mama taught you manners. (some of this is the WHOLE reason I have been fighting my dr's on their recommendations).  Don't assume that if you are mean to me that i will shirk away in a corner with my tail tucked between my legs.  If you treat me with respect, I will treat you in kind.  If you treat me like a dog, I WILL speak my mind in a manner where I am NOT rude but you WILL get my point even if i have to embarrass you like you are doing me.
OMG.....not sure why all that came out......but it did and there must be a reason so I'm not deleting it.   LOL  thank you so much for listening to my rant.  You don't know how MUCH it helps me to just get it out sometimes.  See ya'll tomorrow, pray for a better day.  **Hugs and smoochies**

Just a random day.

Hi everyone,

Hope all are doin good this fall Tuesday afternoon.  I am having an ok day so far.  LOL. Not much going on here but working on the house what I can and then doing some Swagbucks to save up for Christmas.  Got an email from the seating company that is taking care of setting up my appointment for my PT seating evaluation.  He said my appt will be November 6th, but he doesn't have a time yet.  This particular PT comes to Mattoon once a month and this is the one that my dr's and the seating company want me to use.  But that is the closest they come to my area (i am about 45 min away from Mattoon depending on how fast you drive and if you know the shortcuts).  I know this sounds like a contradiction, but I just REALLY wish I could get in and get it done.  I'm still not sure about all this trying to learn to get around better, BUT the things I do know for sure is yes I WANT to be able to get around better and on my own, and i also want to get this stuff outta the way so that I can teach myself some better ways of doing things and get things to where they seem "normal".  Not sure this will EVER be normal, but i thought that too when I lost my hearing, so I know that once all the rig-a-marole is said and done and everything is the way it needs to be everything will settle into a routine and i will find different ways to do the things i want and need to.  While this all still seems to OMG embarrass me out and about, I am ready to get thru this stage and get to the point where i can figure out how to do what i want.  I am REALLY tired of being in the house all the time and I really feel sometimes that i hold my family back from doing things because of my mobility.  OK I am 35 years old and i WANT to do things with my peeps.   I WANT to be out and about.   I WANT to do things in my community.  I WANT to see my friends and make new ones.   I WANT TO HELP PEOPLE.   I WANT to be able to get Bubba into scoccer and go to his games and practices.  I want Josie to do cheer or swimming or whatever her little heart desires.    I WANT TO DO ALL OF THIS. Yes being in a wc embarrasses the devil outta me, but I am a thinker and I guess the way I need to focus on things is I can either keep being stubborn, keep fighting my dr's, keep falling till I hurt myself to the point where there is NO HOPE of ever being able to do the things I want.  Or I can actually listen to what they are trying to tell me, find ways to work within that system and learn to do things in a wc, and be able to go out with my peeps, cook more, put up laundry by MYSELF without needing extra hands so I can shuffle my way to the drawers, be able to be INDEPENDENT.  Now don't get me wrong......my family is a HUGE help.  My husband is AWESOME and very understanding.  My kids have always been the type where if they see something is not gonna work one way, they help figure out a way to get it done.  But I have always been a strong-minded, independent woman.  I know what i need and want to do.....and by golly i CAN do it myself.  May not always be pretty, but where there is a will there IS a way.  And the one thing I ABSOLUTELY cannot tolerate is someone telling me "You cannot do this.....there is no way you will be able to do this or that".    PFFFFFFT  oh YEAH WATCH ME!!!  (something my mother caught on very early with me and used that.....which i am deeply appreciative of).  I may not like this situation, but by golly I am not gonna let it get the best of me.  If it means my butt is in a chair but i get to do everything that i need to to actually LIVE and not be a hermit so be it.

Where I am

Hi Everyone,

My name is Bobbi.  I am 35, married and have 2 AWESOME children (Josie age 10 and Toby age 6).  I am from Illinois and I have decided to start a new blog for this new journey I am on.  I am a deaf cochlear implant user (we use sign and i also lipread).  I lost my hearing do to an autoimmune disease called lupus.  Here recently I have also been diagnosed with degenerative arthritis.  I have been using a wheelchair on and off for the past few years, but here recently it has become a daily need for me to use my temporary wheelchair daily.  I have been fighting my dr's alot on some of his suggestions, but i have come to the realization that they are right and i am wrong (yeah i know imagine that).  So finally, after much stubbornness on my part, I have agreed to do what the dr has asked me to do.  I allowed him to make the appointment with the PT (physical therapist) to have an evaluation done so that i can be fitted for a different wheelchair.  The one i have now is a hospital type and one size fits all, for indoor use, and for only temp use.  My dr's said that i need one that is more custom built to my needs.  I'm not sure this is a need, but they assure me that it will be easier for me to maneuver and make my life easier (and at this stage of the game i am all for easier). They also asked that i try to obtain a powerchair (for the days that my arms are not strong enough to push my wc or for when i am out an about on uneven terrain (which with 2 little ones is quite alot).  A very DEAR friend has one that they no longer use anymore and has been SO kind to let us have that one (we pick it up here in a week or so, she lives about 4 hours away from us).  And the last request my dr's have asked of me is to get a handicapped parking permit (which i have just received in the mail).  At the age of 35 i must say that all this kinda embarrasses me, to the point of wanting to hide in a hole somewhere.  I do NOT like being the center of attention AT ALL.  I am one of those "work behind the scenes" type of gal.  So to suddenly be thrust into everyone's obvious view is WAAAAAAY outta my comfort zone.  BUT on the other hand, i am a FIERCELY independent chickie.   And i want to be able to keep up with my family.  I miss being able to be out in the yard with them (i normally refer to my family as "my peeps"  LOL and you will find that i am very unformal, fun-loving, goofie, hippie chick).  And the way things are right now, it causes more people to stare when i try to walk versus when i use my chair......so i believe the doctors are right and i will quite fighting them so much (emphasis on the so much part).  With all this said, I have started this blog to not only vent my daily frustrations, joys, and the everyday, but also to maybe help others that are headed for or on the same path that i am on.  For me it is easier to express myself by typing or writing versus speaking.  For some reason i feel more free to be honest and open when i am talking to a sheet of paper or computer screen.  And if this can help anyone in anyway, then it is worth it.  I am just learning how to work around things in the mobility area.  I must say while it IS OMG frustrating at time, i have NO DOUBT that i WILL find ways to do exactly what i need and want to do.  This will NOT slow me down, nor will it define my life.  I have an AWESOME husband and kids who love me for ME, no matter if i can walk or hear.  My house is NOT wc (wheelchair) friendly, but we are working on ways to make that better.  Well  my kids are BEGGING for some snack and mommy time, so i will write again later.  Thank you all for listening.  See ya laters **hugs**